When Herbert Met Isabella

So after all my talk about not doing Christmas presents this year, Rocco bought me one anyway.  At least, I think it was for me.  It might have been for Herbert.  I don’t think it really matters.  Oh whatever…just meet Isabella already.  (Most photos by my adorable dad.  *waves frantically*  Thanks, Dad!)

She’s a baritone ukulele, not a guitar.  She wants me to make that perfectly clear.  (She’s a little sensitive about her size.)

I’m pretty sure she’s of Hawaiian descent (what with her being a ukulele and all).  But since her box said Amigo on it, I have to assume she’s at least part Spanish.  Hence the name Isabella.  Actually, she pronounces it as though she’s from Barcelona…ITHabella.  Also (and not necessarily directly related) she has some mad junk in her trunk.

She and Herbert hit it off immediately.

They got to talking and discovered they loved many of the same things, like minor chords, warm humid rooms, and people that can’t correctly write the word restaurant without the help of spell check.

Maybe the talked TOO much.  Things were said.  Offensive things.  Overly forward things.

So then they got to not talking.

But quickly they reconciled and took a stroll across the living room.

Where they made a new friend.  (A sculpture by my brilliant brother Drew.  Not bad, eh?)

In fact, things got a little too friendly, too fast.

When things got awkward, Herbert and Isabella again fled to another area of the living room.

They spent the remainder of the evening by the fire, sipping wine and enjoying each other’s company.

Mom, perplexed by Dad and my need to stalk the stringed instruments on their escapade all paparazzi-esque style kept muttering, “I thought Herbert was gay.”  He gets that a lot, actually.  But, based on the scene Rocco and I found in our hotel room after returning from our disgusting snowpocalypse inflicted dinner, Herbert is at the very least bisexual.

Note the discarded Herbert condom at the end of the bed.  (I didn’t check to see if it was used or not.)

Oh well, worst case scenario we end up with a little baby tenor uke in a few months, right?


  1. I keep thinking “this woman can not get any funnier” then you go and do it!

    I needed a laugh more than you know. Thanks!

    Also, Isabella is a stone cold fox, who could blame Herbert? Gay or not, I’d hit that.

  2. I was just thinking how sweet this all was then the hot monkey uke sex part at the end made me gasp and reach for the bible.

    Herbert likes the bigger ladies, huh? 🙂

    NICE Isabella! I love those baritones. Are they the standard tuning like the sopranos or are you going to have to learn a whole different set of chords? Yay for new musical love. Now post a damn video of Izzy at work.

    1. Hot monkey uke sex will be the name of our first world tour, right Veg? When are hitting the road?

      It’s a different tuning, DGBE. But when I play my normal chords it sounds just fine. They just aren’t the same as when I play them on Herbert. So technically I think I’m supposed to learn new chords but I’m not. Did that make sense at all?

      1. It made complete sense dude, and unless you’re some sort of demi-godess octupus, I doubt you’ll be playing them at the same time. 🙂 Plus those songs that were in keys that were hard to sing on Herbert, might be singable on Isabella using the same chord structures, if THAT makes sense. Or is it just me that finds songs hard to sing in certain keys and the transposed versions feature chords that make me want to die. 🙂

  3. I’m glad Herbert is the kind of Uke that can appreciate the bigger ladies. (Not that it’s hard to get excited about Isabella’s luscious curves.) He’s quite the distinguished gentleman. He’s so well spoken and dressed I think we all just assumed he was gay.

    1. It’s probably because he’s British. You know how the Europeans tend to be a bit flouncier. Also is it weird that I just decided he’s British?

  4. You saw the signs & still left them alone in a hotel room together! I hope you’re not surprised you came back & found them plucking each other.

  5. damn! i already used my good comment on this subject two posts ago. oh well, i’ll give it another whirl:

    ithabella definitely has the uninhibited mindset of a euro woman. i bet she doesn’t bathe often, douses herself in expensive parfum, wears scarves well, and goes topless on the beach, too.

    ps: is your entire family creative! share the wealth lonon’s!

    1. Except for the issues with moisture on wood, all that is true. If she had pubes, they would be wild and unkempt. Actually, some of her strings are kinda messy. Let’s go with that.

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