I’d Still Let Him Vida My Loca

Some mornings I sit and look at this blank screen and I have abso-smurfly nothing to say.  That little blinking cursor just appears and disappears, over and over again, relentlessly taunting my uninspired ass.  This is such a day.

Fucking blinking cursor.

I just read that Ricky Martin is gay.  In other breaking news, my name is Elly, Barack Obama is president, kale is good for you, and Rod Stewart is the antichrist.  Insert my “no fucking way that just isn’t possible” vagina face here.

Please don’t slag on little Kiki Martin!  He’s always been an honest to goodness nice guy – all the way back to Menudo!  Ask anyone that’s ever worked with him and they’ll say the same thing.  Yet no one ever thought he was straight.  Never ever NEVER.

Shake your bon-bon, people?  Really?  Then again, once upon a time the masses also thought Clay Aiken, George Michael, Liberace, and Rosie O’ Donnell were straight.  At the label, we always followed an unspoken “don’t ask don’t tell” policy about Ricky (which for some reason works better in the entertainment industry than in the military).

Initially I lumped Ricky right along with all the other dancing dolls of the late 90’s – another pretty face singing meaningless words.  Then I attended the taping for his TV special on Liberty State Island.  That man worked.  HARD.  He was flawless, entertaining, and damn sexy.  Sixty seconds into his first song, I became a Ricky Martin fan.

Some people just exude raw sex appeal.  Put a bag over their head, mute their voice, hell – stick ’em in a dark vacuum in a burlap sack and they’ll still ooze hot molten sex out of their every pore.  Ricky is such a person.  His charisma is so raw that it transcends appearance, age, gender or sexual orientation – like Adam Lambert, David Bowie, and the tiny purple wonder known yet again as Prince.

I’m too embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve seen him perform since then.  Or how many times I clenched my jaw fighting the overwhelming urge to lick him while riding in the elevator.  *sigh*

…and he’s gay.  Duh.

It breaks my heart a little that this nugget of information is newsworthy.  He’s gay.  Last week he wasn’t?  Does he suddenly have fewer record sales or number one hits?  Has all his volunteer work against child trafficking suddenly lost it’s meaning?  It just boggles my brain that people will now view him through a different lens, simply because he’s gay.

To be fair, I guess I view him a little differently today, too.  I’m an even bigger fan now.

Apparently I did have something to say today.  Word to you, Kiki.  I’ll always be a fan – so long a you don’t do a duet with Rod.  Just to be on the safe side, stay away from Bryan Adams too, k?


  1. Um. I don’t think David Bowie, Adam Lambert or Prince are sexy. But Ricky Martin is totally made of super hot yummy deliciousness. And the fact that you could ride in an elevator with him and not lick him proves you have oodles of self control. Now leave Bryan Adams alone.


    PS- I think he’s even hotter now that I know he’s gay (I mean maybe I knew before or maybe I just never really cared enough to wonder), because now he’s even more unattainable. And that’s how I like my crushes…unattainable. It keeps me from cheating. =]
    .-= Spot´s last blog ..I cannot tell a lie… =-.

  2. Ricky is adorable, gay, straight, who cares, he’s Ricky.

    Prince is flammable. HOT! Darling Nikki. Pussy Control. Grrrl, puleeze!

    David Bowie, eeeewwww.

    Brian, gag reflex, Adams?!

    Rod, kill him now, Stewart! (for the record, no, I will not feel bad if he dies tomorrow. Is he already dead? Not that I care? Would just cut down on bad dreams)
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..My Most Precious History, Please, I Hardly Think So =-.

  3. o.k. I’m going to fess up here.
    While enjoying the ether during my formative years in the 80’s, I labored under the delusion that George Michael was not gay.
    I’m not sure exactly what enabled me to believe this. Suspension of disbelief was alive and kicking back then as was my “Choose Life” black and white shirt.
    Not sure why Wham was wearing those during the “Wake Me Up Before You Go, Go” video but now I’m determined to find out.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Pre Cana Insane =-.

  4. It warms my heart that you remembered the time you put duct tape over my mouth, shoved my head into a paper bag and watched me ooze hot molten sex. Ahhhh …. memories.
    .-= Miss Spoken´s last blog ..Scrotal Recall =-.

  5. Okay I’m with you. I kinda think David Bowie was sexy back in the day. But I’ve always been attracted to weird looking Englishmen…

    Prince seems so gay to me there isn’t any way I could be attracted to him. Men in purple high heels, capes and lip gloss just don’t get my vagina in a tizzy.

    I love visiting your blog. I can say vagina freely, in any context and no one will judge me. Thank you for that.
    .-= Amanda@BrilliantSulk´s last blog ..Weirdo Wednesday =-.

  6. I don’t have a working gay dar. Actually, a friend who happens to be gay told me once that only gay people have gay dars. Anybody else that claim to have one is just BS. Anyway, it has never occurred to me to wonder about his sexuality. Why do people care whether a celeb is gay or not? It is not like if he were straight, you’d be carrying his child! Anyway…

  7. Right up there with Sean Hayes outing himself. Seems some folks were quite upset that it took so long.
    Anywho, when I first saw the headline I’m like, out, he’s been fired from “Promises, Promises”!

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