I’m woefully behind on my whoring, self-whoring that is. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve received a few blogging awards and (not surprisingly) I’m way behind on acknowledging and responding to these jewels.
It’s not that I’m not incredibly grateful. I’m just a raving bitch.
Ask around. It’s true.
- Capable of doing many things competently.
- Having varied uses or serving many functions: “The most versatile of vegetables is the tomato” (Craig Claiborne).
- Biology. Capable of moving freely in all directions, as the antenna of an insect, the toe of an owl, or the loosely attached anther of a flower.
- Variable or inconstant; changeable: a versatile temperament.
Definition two – this seems a little closer. I’ve been used as a door stop, a paper weight, a traffic cone, a directional sign… If you someone to stand in one place and hold something, I’m your gal. I’m versatile like that.
Definition three – ok now I see it. This is about my attention span isn’t it? Look, just because I tend to ramble a wee bit and occasionally loose track of what I’m saying doesn’t mean I forgot to have new keys made for the front door after the lock broke on Sunday and that means the keys in the lock-box for the realtors are wrong and I wonder if I should pull St Joe back out of the dirt which reminds me I should run my flip flops through the dishwasher again. Where was I?
Definition four – AN OWL CAN MOVE HIS TOE IN ANY DIRECTION?!?! How have I gone my whole life not knowing this?!? I can’t decide if that’s awesome or disgusting. Maybe both. Kinda like Steve Buscemi…and marshmallows.
Crap. Now I’m supposed to come up with seven things about me. Like I haven’t already told you EVERYTHING about me in vivid, vagina-filled detail. Fuck – here goes.
- I have never spelled the word restaurant correctly on the first try. (Not that time either. Thank you, spell check.)
- I also can’t spell hors d’Å“uvres. That’s why I always just call them appetizers. I happily eat them no matter what they’re called. So long as they don’t have peppers.
- I have to say righty tighty, lefty losey any time a screw driver is involved.
- I also have to scream “butt cheeks is warm” if someone says the word “kielbasa.” Don’t pretend like you don’t do it, too.
- I not so secretly wish my toes moved in any and all directions like a bad ass owl.
- I use the word vagina. A lot. Like a lot a lot.
- Speaking of all things vagina, I once gave my brother a “Cunt Coloring Book” with a set of glitter crayons to simulate moisture. I’m still waiting to find one of those bad boys on my fridge.
Holy crap this accepting awards thing is taking longer than I thought! I’ll have to wait and get on that SubWow thing (TWSS) next week, but I think I can bang out (TWSS again!) one more award before I run away for the weekend.
KG loves my blog. Obviously people in rural Alaska just don’t talk about vaginas enough. So poor KG has to get her fix reading me. Still, I’m always flattered to be included in a post alongside zombies and sparkly vampires. For this one, I have to list ten things I love.
Best. List. Ever.
I’m out of time so I’m not going to tag anybody. Obviously I love every single blog over there (to your right) on my blogroll. LOVE. Visit them all. Tell them they’re wonderful. If I haven’t added you yet, it’s just because I’m lazy (and a raving bitch – see above) and you should yell at me and remind me. That was a lot of ands. Clearly I should have included, “Has a tendency to use run-on sentences,” in that list of Elly facts.
Don’t be afraid to tag yourself, too! You can tag yourself all weekend long, even. Ew.
Seriously – thanks KG and Holly! Your margaritas are in the mail.