Hindsight is a bitch. I thought I really nailed that bachelorette thing, what with the pole dancing and mechanical bull riding. I thought I had that “Best Bridesmaid Ever” title on lock down.
Because if I was truly worthy of the title, I would have found this spa sooner and booked an appointment for the bride-to-be.
Vajazzling is so 2009. This fall it’s all about the Vattoo.
Vattooing: An airbrush tattoo applied directly after a completely bare bikini wax, Vattooing lets you live dangerously temporarily.
(Yes Mom, I’m about to insert a picture of a vagina here. To be fair, it really doesn’t look like a vagina. Not that I spend a whole lot of time looking at vaginas. I just talk about them a lot. Tell Dad “hi” for me! Oh and p.s., vagina.)
Because sometimes your uterus gets hot and needs it’s own red and yellow sweatband.
Rocco walked in as I was reading this article about the process. “Is that Willie Nelson?” he asked.
“Sort of. If Willie Nelson was a vagina, he would look like this.”
“That’s a vagina?”
“It was a vagina. Now it’s Willie Nelson.”
“So if that gal gets waxed, Willie will have the deepest cleft chin in the history of mankind.”
“I wonder if they would do Jesus…”
But seriously, how awesome would it be for Matt to whip off Gwen’s nightie on the honeymoon only to find Captain Jack Sparrow winking at him?
this is awesome!! omg I could have Johnny Depp traipsing through my lady garden! hot damn..
I like the idea of not having to prune my shrubbery.
I am normally an open-minded kind of girl but…um.
So….you DON’T want me to make you and appointment?
Oh, man…that’s intense. It looks like Jesus in a Jane Fonda sweatband. I think having my vag look like Jesus might mess with me in profound ways.
Deeply spiritual and profound ways.
The post made me giggle, but “Jesus in a Jane Fonda sweatband” made me LOL. 🙂
Agreed! Charity wins!
Sweet! Do I win a vattoo?! I’m thinking perhaps a “Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments”. Whaddya think?
Only if you get a chariot scene on your thighs.
Just trying to think of famous men with beards that you could get vattoo’d . . . hmmm, Karl Marx, Che Guevara, Dr. Andrew Weil, Santa Claus . . . .
Sorry, I’m still partial to vajazzling. Glitter and jewels rock!
Why can’t you mix and match? I think Disco Santa could be a huge hit.
Dudes can do this, too. You know, so long as they’re into Dumbo.
I think there should be a good alternative. Wonder if there’s an option for guys already…
[Google image search for “penis tattoo”]
Oh god, my eyes!!! I’ve changed my mind! I want Willie Nelson eating a hot dog!!!
I’m pretty sure you need this book, bee tee dubs.
Oh-to-the-m-effin’-yeah! Someone’s totally getting that as a gift. Man, sometimes I try to imagine the world you live in where penises and vaginas are everywhere in plain sight and some are hidden behind masks of old country singers.
(or maybe Don King smoking a cigar)
Reason enough to sing, “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys”?
Hmmm. Maybe this week’s uke song should be a Willie song!
If anyone finds a picture of the ZZTop version I don’t want to see it! Yes, I do. No wait… Fine! I do.
Aren’t we going to need a third person to complete the entire band?
Hell, half of us have Hitlers already,
ha! jack sparrow on the cooch would definitely fit as “gwen’s last fling”
Wait, we aren’t counting the pole?
I think I am going to set myself on fire now. Kidding.
What the hell, I will go along with Debra and have Karl Marx tatooed on my vagina or maybe Max Weber.
That Deb is very wise…
Umm, what? No. Nope. Never. I have enough trouble finding a worthy suitor. I can only imagine: We finally get to the magic moment and he takes one look and, well, probably throws up.
What guy could stand sticking his willy into Willie?
It’s still better than sticking your johnson in Don Johnson, right?
Why does he have two sets of lips?
Oh hell, now you’re winning.
Wait! Wait! I have another one! If she shaves is it John Travolta with hippie hair?
i’d so vattoo. not some scraggly-ass beard but a giant butterfly, hell yeah. and captain jack sparrow can kiss my butterfly. ever so gently on the wings of course.
For the love of Johnny Depp – YUM!
Okay…..just a couple of things. One, that girl up there…she definitely has the Tommy Chong vagina vattoo going on. I can’t believe you don’t see that!!! WTF, peeps??!!!
Also, I am looking for a local vattoo artist RIGHT now. OMJ, I am so excited. I am thinking dragonfly. No, wait, maybe Starry Night…that would seriously fuck with somebody’s head. LOL Oh, the possibilities.
Also, this gives whole new meaning to what I am about to type. *blissed out vagina face*
*I can’t believe the things you put your vagina through vagina face*
That might be a way to get your gay friend to switch teams. (Johnnie Depp would probably work better than Willie though.)
Good point! Now I’m actually considering it.
Ok. This whole thread is way too witty and I am way too drunk. Discuss amongst yourselves. Thanks for the bearded lady and let me know when she sings.
I’m going assume “sings” is a euphemism.
I was waiting for a Moses comment, but I guess that isn’t happening…. How about Noah. Or how about I leave the bible out of this?
Um, if you can fit the bible in there, you go right ahead.
Hey that dude looks like the vaginal spawn of Willie and John McEnroe. Or dare I say, Gary Oldman in a character role as a 1970s guru.
Also, in part two of stating the obvious, does that chick have grey pubes?
You’re just hot for Gary Oldman. I’m not falling for that one.
You know, I can honestly say I’ve never been hot for Gary Oldman, however if he disguised himself as an old mangina….nope, still not hot for Gary Oldman. Sorry man.
My God, how did I miss this? I was going to remain speechless, because I spent so much time gazing at the actual artistry that went into this that I felt it would be the most fitting tribute (silence, I mean).
Now, I’ve ceased to care about that and I’m thinking of all the celebrity variations.
What about Brad Pitt during the unfortunate bearded phase.
In other news, it turns out unfortunated isn’t a word. I’m a regular Sarah Palin over here.
I know someone who tattooed and pierced her Vag…..Personally, ummmmmmmmmm, no. I only want pleasurable feelings down South.
I just heard someone use the term “clitter.” Obviously, I have to use that in a sentence at least 17 times today.
“Hey, honey. How about a little something-something?”
“I’m sorry. You’re going to have to talk to Willy first.”
He’s the gatekeeper.
Perhaps that hot chick from LA Ink could invent a male version involving elephants? 😀
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