Vaseline

My throat feels like I blew a porcupine.  I’m sure there is some magic concoction I can create with my impressive collection of pharmaceuticals that can cure me of this weird cold/allergy attack/migraine/triskaidekaphobia/hang nail, but I just haven’t found it yet.

*forehead bounces off desk*

I’ve been thinking a lot about Vaseline lately.

Everything is better bedazzled.

I don’t think I’m going to tell you why.  I think it’s more fun this way.  Then again, that could be the narcotics speaking.  (They do, you know – in a Jamaican accent – but sometimes they roll their r’s just for fun.)

But all these Vaseline thoughts have me rather distracted.  And I can’t really think about anything to write about other than Vaseline.  Also, the word is fun to say – vassss-ahhhh-leeeen.

I’m pretty sure it’s weird to write an entire post about Vaseline.

I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to stop me.

In other news, I went bra shopping with Bridezilla the other day.  She needed a corset thing for under her Gown de Butt Bow.  I spent over eight hours wrangling her boobs into white, lace torture devices and staring at her nipples.  Now I can’t stop singing Ta-ra-ra-Bustier.  Also I have wicked blisters on my fingers from all those tiny metal hooks.

There, now I don’t have to worry about the ENTIRE post being about Vaseline.

Which obviously brings us back to…

Other people are fascinated by Vaseline, too.  You should probably just take my word for it.  An internet search for Vaseline turns up some pretty disturbing results.  (Man are you people lucky I do these things FOR you.)  Since I’d like you all to still have a little faith in humanity, I won’t share ANY of those links.  Instead, I’ll just share my favorite songs about Vaseline.

I wonder if St. Joe would respond well to a few carefully selected pills…

Also?  Please don’t tell me how you use Vaseline.  I’ve seen enough for one day.


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Comments

  1. “My throat feels like I blew a porcupine.”

    I love you.

    “I’m pretty sure it’s weird to write an entire post about Vaseline.

    I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to stop me.”

    No, I mean really for real.

    “Also? Please don’t tell me how you use Vaseline. I’ve seen enough for one day.”

    *sing-songy* Oka-ay, but it involves you-ou.

    (Too creepy? Not enough? Lemme know.)
    .-= Sarah P´s last blog ..Rainbows and Labyrinth =-.

  2. Did we make out through some strange cosmic connection? Sore throat, stuffy head? I feel awful! Plus, I woke up this morning and there was bedazzled Vaseline by my bed! WTF???!!! Strangest thing of all? I just smiled at it and held it closely…..rocking back and forth….
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..I Accept That I Am An Average Person =-.

  3. You know, I got really nervous there was going to be a Vaseline contest, and then I’d be like ‘defending’ so I’d have to do some freaked out Vaseline shit- and I was scared. Just scared.

    Restraining order? Are you kidding me? I thought YOU’D have one on ME by now. OOH! I am feeling ‘restraining order’ contest….
    .-= marymac´s last blog ..Sunday Bloody Mary (4) =-.

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