Uke My Baby

I had every intention of learning Blondie’s “Rapture” for today BECA– USE OBVIOUSLY but that’s a whole mess of rap, y’all.  And it’s practically all one chord.  And four minutes of playing the same chord while trying to rhythmically rap french lines makes both my fingers AND my head cramp.  So that didn’t happen.  Y’all will just have to find your own version to listen to when you get sucked up tomorrow by the giant people hoover otherwise known as salvation.  Or something.  I’ve never been very good at the bible stuff.

Then someone sent me a giant box of meat surrounded by dry ice yesterday.  And being the responsible pet owner that I am, I put chunks of it in the cats’ water bowl and watched their minds melt.  And when I couldn’t stop singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” I decided to try and learn that.  But it’s hard, Barbie.  And I don’t learn that fast.  And Rocco refused to sing the “Turn Around” parts so it sounded pretty silly anyway.

So now?

Don’t worry.  There are still cats in it.

Yeah…about that.  I think this mother fucking booze time calls for a little extra sumtin’, sumtin’ seeing as how some of y’all won’t be around next week.

Which reminds me, I have a whole mess of inflatable sex dolls to fill with helium before tomorrow…


  1. I love Uke Friday’s – just sayin’ Oh! If you need help with those dolls you know who to call.

    P.S. I have a request for the Uke – Bohemian Rhapsody!!
    I think you could totally rock this!

      1. I’ve seen this before. He’s amazing, although I still think a version from you would be epic!!

        Holding my breath waiting. Starting……!!

  2. Now I’m stuck with the image of you doing a Mary Poppins act hanging by a bunch of blow-up dolls. What happens if the others around get mad & start popping your balloons?

  3. You know, You totally have to take the cats on the road with you. And, yes, I’ll see you next week…no doubt about it! MFBT!

  4. Happy Friday! I’m not sure if I’m supposed to wish to be raptured or to be left behind, but I pick the one where I can still have Uke Fridays.

  5. OH MY GOD! How did I not find you before???????

    If I do die in the rapture tomorrow, I will have spent my last Friday night on earth stalking your blog.

  6. Cats and dry ice…I’ve got some great pics of my girls being freaked out.

    Inflatable sex doll? Send me one?

  7. I really can’t fit this whole Rapture/Ascension thing into my schedule so I’ll still be here next week! Well, okay, that and I’m pretty sure Heaven doesn’t exactly want me. Oh well! All the fun peeps will still be here!


  8. If I didn’t have another sore throat I’d be doing a little dance right now. Love that tune! And pregnancy becomes you, my lady. You are looking so pretty today 🙂

  9. Unless it’s some timezone thingy we are all Rapture free down here. Rather disappointed when I got up to pee yet again at 12:30am and realised that I would still have to call my parents today. Those bloody Mayans better be right about 2012.

  10. So it’s officially 12:29 here in Ptown and I am wondering whihc time zone the Rapture is set to. Are we talking Hawaii-Aleutian time? Because, if so, I have 2 and 1/2 more hours to seek out some serious debauchery.
    Also, how will I know if it has indeed gone down assuming I’m not moving in an upward direction?

  11. Your fricken cats left right on cue. It’s like they’re trained!
    PS: I seriously think I could sit there and watch you talking randomly for more than the few seconds you did. Encore! Encore!

  12. Miracle the Cat freaks when she can see even a tiny speck of the the bottom of her food bowl. My theory is that this represents possible deprivation and fear of being subject to the same famine conditions that so much of the world must endure. What I know is that if the famine-plagued parts of the world knew how to yowl and screech non-stop like MTC does, the rest of the world would be feeding them just to shut them up.

  13. I totally missed this rapture thing. I am just happy that none of you are blessed enough to be raptured!

    And m’lady, you look and sound as delicious as ever!

    1. I’ll have you know that the truly righteous are sitting here with me at the sandaled feet of the big guy sipping our drinks and sending cherubs to fetch more sauce for the ribs.

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