I Have “These Dreams” on Continuous Loop in My Head

I woke up this morning violently angry at my mother-in-law.  Why?  Well, because in my dream last night we were shopping at a colossal Costco (think Idiocracy) and she went to pick up an empty Christmas tin from a massive, shoulder-high cardboard box full of empty Christmas tins.  I told her I had three unused tins at home that she could have for free.  She said thanks, and I happily started to move towards the lawn dart section.  But then…THEN…she went right back to picking out Christmas tins anyway.

Can you believe the nerve of that woman?

Look at me!  I’m getting all riled up again just thinking about it.  I was so mad when I woke up that I couldn’t even talk to Rocco.  I totally gave him the silent treatment until I peed, drank some water, and finally those last whisps of sleep disappeared.

Then I felt a tidge foolish.

First, it was a frickin’ $2 Christmas tin.  Second, it wasn’t my money.  Third, why shouldn’t a grown woman be able to buy whatever the hell she wants?  Fourth, did I mention it was a silly $2 Christmas tin?

Oh right, there’s also that whole technically-I-shouldn’t-get-real-life-mad-at-someone-for-something-they-did-in-a-dream thing.

Seems Slightly Less Brilliant in the Light of Day

But I can’t help it!  It’s genetic.  Just ask my dad.  That poor bastard has woken up to a swift kick in the ass from Mom on more than one occasion.  Needless to say, he now knows better than to sneak off into a grassy meadow with Stephi Graph and spend the afternoon braiding daisies into her flowing locks.

The thing is, other than that dream about my mother-in-law’s round, glitter-encrusted, metallic boxes…and some weird dream where I was trying to write an article for ToyWithMe about using Super Soakers as sex toys, I don’t think I slept last night.

*thirty minutes pass*

Right.  So.  It seems I don’t have a witty way to wrap this up seeing as how I keep dozing off while staring at the keyboard.  So I will follow the lead of the wise and eloquent Dr. Horrible and just say…


*faint sound of snoring*


  1. My husband is used to me waking up pissed off at him for something did in my dream. He probably has some sort of syndrome from living with me.

  2. Dude, Rocco totally deserved to be punished for his mother’s wastefulness. We are in economic hard times. Oh wait, technically speaking, the only way we will recover is if people buy more $2 metal glittery tins. Wait again, they were glittery. All things glittery should be purchased, coveted and loved.

    Also, super soakers AREN’T meant to be sex toys? Oh Jupiter’s cock! This should have been brought up sooner.

  3. My wife punched me awake one night. she says that she was asleep and I was being a shit in her dream. that didn’t explain the smirk, though.

  4. I hate those dreams. I almost felt sorry (in my dream) for pissing off a certain NFL quarterback (known for hanging out in college bars looking for women before being accused of rape…twice) by refusing to put out. And then I got angry at him all over again when his team made it to the Super Bowl.

  5. I recently dreamed two pictures of my Grammy came to life. One was the awesome, ballsy, hula-skirt wearing minx I remember her as, the other spent the whole dream stirring an empty bowl with a spoon, keeping it away from me and glaring like I’m the one who tried to scan her oxygen tank at Wal-Mart!

    I woke up wondering what the hell I did wrong! I still don’t know! I’d rather wake up pissed at her than have her giving me the stink-eye from the grave!

    Ok, I’ll shup up now.

  6. 1) Why were you dreaming about your mother-in-law? Is there something important you need to announce like ‘wine is on sale at the corner so put on your red light like Roxanne’?

    2) SSsextoy: You point that thing at me and I will hide away faster than balls hitting cold water!

    3) Get some rest. Your eternal internal dream loop is set to begin again in 5, 4, 3, 2, and rolling (*point to you.)

  7. I get celebrity cameos in my dreams constantly. They sneak up quietly while I’m having tea and cookies with the wolfman and offer me another cuppa.
    I’ve seen hollywood royalty such as Robert DeNiro, pre-self imposed New Mexico exile Val Kilmer, Susan Sarandon, and Elisabeth Shue.
    Also if I can get the wevibe to work, I see no reason why the super soaker can’t be used in a loving an creative way!
    One of you lucky ladies who don’t do shellfish might also want to christen your signifigant other “the super soaker” just to add a little pizazz to your night.

    Was that too much?

  8. My dream last night involved Australia, a buckboard wagon and a big smoked ham. WTF? I think your dream was better because it had glitter. I’m mad at your MiL too, that bitch.

  9. More than once I had dreams in which my husband did or said something that was so infuriating (more than in reality if it’s even possible) that I woke up wanting to punch him. Actually, I did. Supersoaker as sex toy eh? I am game. Just please oh don’t give guys even more ideas.

  10. Hmm… perhaps if the supersoaker were loaded with Chateaux Le Flav, and there was snail porn involved.

    Great Jupiters Cock! It just might work!

  11. Last week, my mother insulted the clothes I had just bought. Why didn’t she tell me when I was buying them, or at least before I took the tags off? She said she never would have spent her money on that.
    Then, according to my father, that same night, she went on a cross-country bus trip with an old flame.
    That bitch.

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