The Good Kind of Mold

First off, I just saw something that made me laugh so hard I peed a little.  I’m just going to assume you need to laugh that hard too so:

I’m pretty sure that little girl is singing “Big Booty Bitches” while she stomps on those tulips.  I certainly can’t stop.  First thing I said this morning?  WOO!

So my story competition was the best accidental idea EVER.  You people make my day.  Well, not you people that don’t have any intention of writing one.  Frankly, I’m a little disappointed in you.  Don’t worry though, with my attention span I’ll have forgotten all about this whole sordid incident by Happy Hour.

Mmmm Happy Hour.

Focus, Smelly.  You should really try and make this post just the teensiest bit cohesive after that ramble-a-thon from yesterday.  Oh I know!  I’ll just tell you all the other things that made me laugh really hard in the last 24 hours!

Best. Button. Ever.
  • Vapid found a photo of a twat waffle.
  • Keeping You Awake made a button for my douchey little site.
  • My brother Drew doing the Big Booty Bitches WOO! on speaker phone.  (Happy Birthday, Drewl!!  I love the shit out of you.  But not literally.  That would be weird.)
  • The counter offer we received on the house we’re trying to buy.
  • Kelly wrote possibly the most beautiful sentence in the history of the universe: “He’s a mystery to us, this strong, quiet, chiseled specimen of masculinity that pumps a shotgun as artfully as he impregnates the mother of the savior of the human race.”
  • Shawn showed me just how powerful boobs can be.
  • I was offered the opportunity to make the consulting gig I’m currently drowning in a permanent, full-time position.
  • Nicole made a chocolate replica of her vag…and served it to people…AFTER she served them stuffed shells.  In other news, I NEED a kit to make my very own vagina mold.  OBVIOUSLY.  This year’s Christmas presents would be a breeze.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go iron my shower curtain for this weekend’s open house.


  1. I’m having enough trouble trying to write a resume that doesn’t make me feel like a complete douche. So the creative juices are all tapped out right now, sorry. ;P
    .-= Aunt Juicebox´s last blog ..Fuck.Me. =-.

  2. would that be anything like a twaddle dust I been hearing about?


    you guys are funny (ha ha funny) type of punny funny

    love dushy

  3. Just make sure you put plenty of vaseline on first. You don’t want to pull all of your pubes out. Although, that would probably add to the mold.

  4. (1) I was a Lazertits virgin . . . but no more! Lasertits rock! I bet that’s where Lady Gaga got her costume idea from.

    (2) Re the chocolate vulva mold . . . I was wondering about the pubes issue too. I assume that a brazilian is a prerequisite to the whole procedure?

    (3) You have the most informative blog on the internet. Really.
    .-= Debra She Who Seeks´s last blog ..Trafalgar Lion =-.

  5. Bug,

    That twatwaffl looks like my beaver. Why is that woman sitting beside my beaver? Why does my beaver have a harness on…I want the beaver baaaccckkkkkk! SOB, SOB. Fuck, I am going to have to drink again tonight.


  6. flower girl is my hero!!! the fucking airborne pollen from flowers and trees has been kicking my motherfucking ass this allergy season. it’s about time somebody kicked it fucking back. maybe she’s got a golden shower for mother nature, too?
    .-= pattypunker´s last blog ..forget the shit, meet the pugs =-.

  7. i swore i left a comment here last night but then again i was in an altered state. or maybe i did and you saved my ass by deleting it. or maybe i left it somewhere else.
    but it went something like:

    that flower girl is my hero. allergies are kicking my ass this season so i’m happy to see the pollen sproutin’ flowers taking a beating. she can strangle the trees next.

    at least i think it went like that.

    and those lazertits are motherfucking awesome.
    .-= pattypunker´s last blog ..forget the shit, meet the pugs =-.

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