The Answer is in the Feces

I’m going to assume your attention span is as non-existent as mine is today.

Wait, what are we talking about again?

Right.  Almost a week later I still can’t stop watching this.  I need an intervention.  Help me.

And then, can you buy me one of these?  Reginald needs a friend.

I'd call him Ferdinand. And I'd get him a nicer couch.

And then, can you recommend a rug cleaner?  Lucy keeps dragging her ass across it after she uses the litter box.  I wonder if tiny giraffes do that.  Hell, can you litter train tiny giraffes?

Apparently so.  From the website www.petitelapgiraffe.com:

Petite Lap Giraffes are very funny animal that require special care. They need lots of love. Hugs and kisses every day. Otherwise they make tears.

If you have children, petite lap giraffes no problem. If child is loud, the giraffe will be shy, but does not bite. PLG’s are very clean. With training they will go in box like cats. Allergies never a problem.

Size: adult is 76 centimeters, baby is 15 centimeters tall. Weight is 4.5kg unless the giraffe is fat cow then 5.44kg

Diet: distilled water and bonsai tree leaves

Health problems: none. They are the best.

Gestation: 420 days

Living conditions: PLG’s love being indoors in filtered air conditioning. If they can listen to music of Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov it is dream.

Grooming: a bubble bath once a week with purified water is all they need.

In other news, I have a new theory on that whole cat people vs dog people thing.  I don’t think it was anything to do with a preference for the specific animals.  I think it’s all a bunch of shit.  Literally.

So my friend Danielle has a dog, but the dog is lonely.  So she’s thinking about getting another pet.  I, of course, suggested a cat.  Her response?

“I just can’t fathom scooping a litter box.”

“But you have no problem wrapping your hand around hot, steaming poop with only a thin layer of plastic between it and your naked, porous skin?” I countered.

So yeah, I think it’s all about our personal preference for dealing with feces.

And then in other news… *forehead crashes to desk*


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Comments

  1. You may be onto something with the whole feces thing. I think having to let a dog outside and then possibly wait for it to poop and then usher it back in afterwards is a total pain. I can’t be having with that.

    But I can totally scoop shit at my leisure.

  2. Poop really does help draw the line between imagined preferences.
    It sounds like you can actually EAT the lilliputian giraffe droppings. I bet they look like rainbow sprinkles. Or the crushed Heath bar I always ask for in my Maggie Moo’s Ice cream concoction.

    1. No! Don’t let the Pita see the Lap Giraffes. She’s going to be all, “I need one of those!” and laugh maniacally like Cruella de Vil. And then baby angels will die and fall from the sky.

  3. After having children, pets no longer face me.

    Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything about infants’ propensity to fling pooh like little monkeys.

    Um… forget I said anything.

    Ob-la-di-ob-la-da….

      1. That is quite valiant, Tom. Till today I can only deal with my kids’ waste product but not the others. I have been studying retirement home for my husband when the time comes.

  4. I love cats and I love dogs. Cat litter is definitely easier to fathom, but I’d still rather have a dog. I want a pet that gives me incentive to frolic outside (even if it is to eventually pick up his poop). I’d enjoy having a cat, too. But if I had to choose just one, my top choice would be a dog.

  5. at this point i just want a pet…or a baby. however, both would significantly take time away from my petite giraffe googling, not to mention the incessant poo handling. *shudder* maybe i’ll just stick with the pet grass…haven’t killed that….yet.

    and that video never get’s old. srsly, i would keep it on repeat all day if i could.

    1. According to the vet it has something to do with her anal sacks. However, when they say that fast over the phone with a thick accent, I tend to get offended that she’s implying someone is banging my cat in the booty.

  6. I dunno. Those little giraffes don’t look too quick on the uptake. Do they run if you accidentally almost sit on them? They’re so small (& obvious like couches), It could happen.

  7. Damn…that video is taking over my life.

    Also, as opposed as I am to the whole “look at me, I’m so hip I wear a fedora” thing that is going on now, I think that guy should always wear one, even after hipsters have forgotten where their Target fedoras are.

  8. I’m coming to see you next time I’m in Jersey. I hope that doesn’t scare you. I will bring gifts. They will not be made of feces. By gifts I might mean my children. As long as they leave with me you will think them a gift.

  9. As a cat lady, I am all about litter boxes. However, that said, I am in love with the lap giraffe! I want one, even though they don’t exist! LOL love your blog!

  10. i just passed out. i need a tiny giraffe. you don’t even know. after seeing pics of the baby giraffe born at the cincinnati zoo and then THIS, i’m questioning life.

  11. Do I or do I not tell Elly that I actually froze with delight when I thought they may have actually breeded miniature lap giraffes.

    I clicked on that web cam like fifty times and actually had to google search “miniature giraffes” before I realised it wasn’t true.

    And then I cried a little.

    I need to go back to Spain.

    Something’s definitely wrong with me.

    – B x

  12. I tried to order a petite lap giraffe but I was like 343,000 on the wait list so I purchased round trip tickets to Moscow. Maybe if I go in person, I can bypass the wait list. I. Need. A. Petite. Lap. Giraffe.

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