Techno Trauma

Why is the universe conspiring against Herbert and me?  I finally learned a song and recorded it, but now my Flip and Phillip are no longer speaking.  And I’m out of time.  So you get nothing.  Again.  Stupid computers.  Or stupid Elly.  Let’s go with computers.

So instead I’ll just distract you with a news article about how that bitch of a hurricane Irene, as if she hadn’t done enough damage to people’s lives, tore down the beloved Vagina Tree of Brooklyn.

Brooklyn’s famous “vagina tree,” popular with queer women in New York’s most lesbian-studded neighborhood, has been felled by Hurricane Irene. According to reports in The Brooklyn Paper, the decades-old London plane tree in McCarren Park was knocked over by the high winds of last weekend’s tropical storm.

The tree’s distinguished trunk earned it the moniker years ago. Last April an artist anonymously pierced it with a five-inch metal ring, making the resemblance to hipster lady parts complete.

According to The Brooklyn Paper, the sexy neighborhood curiosity has its own Foursquare page (which closed this week) and its own Twitter feed, @TheVaginaTree. Monday night the tree tweeted what might be her last message: “I am the stump formerly known as Vagina Tree.”

Thank you, dear Deb, for always keeping me on the cutting edge, or the lip if you will, of all vagina news.

I really want to add a piercing to one of our trees, now.

Also, because it’s not Friday without some music, here’s a video from a non-uker who clearly doesn’t have issues with technology.  Like, at all.  That bitch.

Now if there’s anyone out there who can explain to me how I convert an .avi file to a .mov, I’ll have that damn uke video ready for next week.  Happy Labor Day.  Someone tap a keg for me, k?


  1. All I can think when looking at that distinguished tree is “ouch”.

    Converting .avi into .mov files sounds about as easy as alchemy to me. Good luck.

  2. I’ll tell you how to spin your .avi files into gold, but first you must guess my true name. I’ll give you three days. If you fail, you’ll have to give me your first born child.

  3. Holy crap, that kid has some musical talent! What is she, like sixteen. Crazy. No excuse for not having a Herbert video, however, sorry. Nope. No excuses.:)

  4. My given name is Katrina and what I go by in that surreal offline world we know as IRL. I’m still met with the occasional “whoa, seriously?”

    And the jokes, they were endless. My favorite was “When she comes, she’s hot and wet, and when she leaves, she takes your house with her!”

    But I never broke a vagina. Except perhaps my own. And the less we talk about that biking experience, the better.

  5. There are some trees outside my school that, when in bloom in the spring, smell rather like dirty vagina. Why couldn’t those have been blown over?

  6. ELLY, I am flipping furious that we didn’t go take pictures of ourselves with THE Vagina Tree…….especially since she is gone now. OMG….my heart is breaking right now.

    *sad broken vagina tree face*

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