There's only so many articles you can read about crazy people consuming chunks of dead/undead people before you start singing this song. And by "you" I mean "me." Obviously. The apocalypse is upon us, people. Fortunately for me, I'm brain dead and so I ought to be safe. You fuckers…
Sometimes I’m Schmaltzy
When you open the door of your apartment to find your boxer-clad husband standing awkwardly with a kitten in one hand and a jar of some unknown substance in the other, the last thing you want to hear him say is, "Hold on, I was just blocking a hole that…
I’m a Kick Ass Bridesmaid
I've spent the last five hours trying to convince myself I don't need this. So far, it's not working. My only hope is that something pinker and hairier will come along quickly and capture my increasingly fleeting attention span. (As per usual, that sounded way dirtier than I intended.) It's…