Me: I need words for sperm.
Thom: Damnit, Elly! Why do you always call ME for these things?
Me: You HAVE to be kidding me…
Thom: Why don’t you call Mom? Then you’d get a whole other post in addition to whatever you’re writing about now.*
Me: I’m still sort of in trouble for the heroin thing.
Thom: Fine – jism**, cock snot, jizz, baby batter, man protein, swimmies…
Me: Slow down!
Thom: …ejaculate, boy yogurt, spunk, ball cream, joy juice, love gravy…
Me: Hang on, I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Thom: …in general you can take any thick viscous substance, such as gravy, and affix other words to make them dirty. For example. mayonnaise is viscous. Water towers are somewhat phallic. So the average person upon hearing “water tower mayonnaise” would automatically think of spooge.
Me: I think that might be a bit of a stretch…
Thom: Go ask Rocco.
Me: He’s in town making sure dirty naked hippies don’t have to sing in the dark.
Thom: Go ask your neighbor.
Me: I’m not going to ask my neighbor what he thinks of when I say “water tower mayonnaise.” His answer would most likely be “restraining order.”
Thom: Suit yourself.
Me: I think I’ve got more than enough for one little post.
Me: It’s your favorite sister.
Thom: Jugs, cans, tomatoes…
Thom: …gazongas, sweater puppies…
Me: Oh. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that actually IS why I’m calling.
*Yeah – ’cause the conversations with my brothers are never post worthy…
**I’m not even going to tell you how long we spent on the phone trying to figure out if that was the correct spelling.