Straight Up Vampire

First, here’s the breaking news.  I’m 80% sure I’m not sending his ass back to Steve Jobs so I forced myself to pick a name for my new mac.  I’m pretty sure he’s a Phillip.  That’s Phillip (rhymes with nip), not Phillipe (as in lords a’ leaping).  I don’t think he’s a TOTAL hipster douchebag (at this moment).  Now, someone flip the hourglass and we’ll see just how long it takes for me to turn cutie indie Phillip into a hardened grizzly psycho-analyst that goes by the name Phil.

I had the best weekend in the history of the universe. Sure the weather was disgusting. So what if my legs have been permanently dyed blue due to the horizontal rain thoroughly soaking my new blue jeans as I walked across town to Joe’s Pub? My life changed Saturday night. I was transformed. I saw what will surely someday be a Nobel Prize winning piece of theater — Straight Up Vampire.

Here’s the official description:

The History of Vampires in Colonial Pennsylvania as Performed to the Music of Paula Abdul. It’s 1763 and there are vampires in Philadelphia. Paula Abdul Blackwood is a beautiful young Quaker girl being forced into marriage with the wheelwright’s son. Jack Sheridan, a politically idealistic young vampire, is the man she loves. Everywhere there is dissent. Fractious parties debate the future of the colony.
MC Skat Kat and Benjamin Franklin vie for power in the Assembly. Directed by Peter James Cook with with music performed by Dr Steam Whipple and the Prescriptions.

Miss Blackwood

No sir, I can not make this shit up.

I don’t know what to tell you, Interwebz. It was all that I dreamed it would be and more…so much more. Pithy dialogue? Snarky commentary? Easily digestible pop songs with solid beats? Beautiful, bald black men with fangs? Yes, yes, yes, and YES – this show had it all! (Not that I have a thing for vampires. Nope. Nu uh. Nosireebob.)

When Paula Abdul Blackwood took that stage and broke into the first notes of “Forever Your Girl,” I squealed louder than a gaggle of Robert Pattinson fans. As Benjamin Franklin and Master Commander (MC) Skat Kat sang “Opposites Attract,” I clapped wildly, bubbling with more giggles than a Playboy pool party. By the end of the night I seriously had cheek cramps (face cheeks, not the other ones — though the chairs were rather uncomfortable) from grinning for two solid hours.

This really doesn’t even begin to do it justice, but here’s a highlight reel:

I think my favorite line of dialogue was, “Even Paula herself had a hard time performing these songs live.” I nearly spit out my $14 cocktail. (Don’t panic – I said “nearly.” I’m a professional.)  Somebody needs to finance this show and get it on Broadway – STAT!

In other news, I can’t help but be intrigued by yet another upcoming event on the Joe’s Pub Calendar – Dolly Would: a Booblesque Tribute to Dolly Parton! Who’s in?

Are you all warm and fuzzy from the happy thoughts I just shared with you? I can fix that. Check out the soul sucking dolls I wrote about on Craftastrophe this morning.


  1. Yeah, alright, I’m jealous. The closest we get to any new culture is Avatar – it only landed up here last week. Ah, the joys of island life, eh? So, in light of your teasing post, you’ve got it coming, talk about a red flag to a bull? I’ve booked me fight and will be arriving at gate 9, in approx 8.5 hrs – be there, or be prepared to be tracked down and hunted – please do not make the mistake of thinking I jest..(evil cackle in time with a thunderbolt of lightening.. bwahahahaha!)
    .-= shrinky´s last blog .. =-.

    1. Even Simon Cowell would have loved this shit. And no, at $14 a drink you’re gonna have to buy your own. Next time I’m bringing a “to go” cup.

  2. Do you think it is still going to be on this Summer (August)? We could all go! And alcohol is there, so, yeah, partay! You should be the director of cultural enrichment for BlogHer 10. (The guy at the end commenting is hilarious!)

    1. I’ll fly out and watch it with you! I know the entire score. Technically I knew it before I even heard of the show but that’s a different story.

  3. First, soooo jealous. The cultural pickings around here are pretty slim unless you actually like tractor pulls and fair queen pageants. I would kill to see this little gem!

    Second, I just couldn’t get enough of the creepy dolls so I actually went to the website. It was kind of like a train wreck, I just couldn’t stop looking. As a result, I’m pretty sure that some of those dolls are dessicated baby corpses. That shit was disturbing, yo. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. No, really. I mean that.

    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Respect. Or the lack thereof… =-.

Comments are closed.