She Don’t Uke Jelly

Want to never sleep again?  Try this article on ant zombies.  (Thanks for that, Chicken.)  With all that time I just freed up in your schedule, you’ll be able to get all kinds of projects done this weekend.  You are welcome.

Speaking of things that keep me up at night…I thought I had a head cold or something, but I just read in one of these creepy books (which seem to always have pastel covers, btw) that copious volumes of snot is another side affect of the parasite.  Just when I thought this couldn’t get any sexier.  Awesome.  So you should probably just go ahead and get used to me sounding like a male impersonator of Kathleen Turner now, k?

Thanks to SarahP of Naked Cupcake fame for the request.  Any gal that’s fascinated by vaseline and likes to immortalize her kayak in watercolors is a friend of mine.  That or she has a restraining order against me.  It could go either way, really.

Cross your fingers, Interwebz.  Rumor is there’s a couple interested in my apartment.  So between your happy thoughts and my stuffing St. Joe’s hollow plastic body cavity with expensive cheesecake, we might just pull this off after all.

I wonder if maybe you aren’t supposed to dig him up every two days….

Happy Friday, bitches!


  1. SarahP, just a reminder that Tuesday is Mardi Gras, which is National Show Your Tits Day. So you can square up with Elly then and you might even get some beads out of it!

  2. Great, just what we need. Zombie Ants! I immediately sent to MadamBob, who has been home for three days with an overabundance of snot. She’s been sayin’ it’s a sinus infection but I dunno… Maybe she’s full of tentacles too!

  3. You rock, El. And you sounded better today with that cold thing. BTW, please don’t ever ever talk to me about your chapped lips again. And definitely not your chap stick. I’m in the fetal position now…

  4. I think this probably explains what happened to Charlie Sheen, don’t you? btw, you haven’t lost your charm, Elly, in spite of the snot factory you claim. Littleb saw you picture and came running, exclaiming “Alright!”. Yeah. He used to get excited because Friday was Burger King day. But now he’s super-excited because it is Burger King Elly Lou day (BKEL day).

  5. Whatever you do, don’t read those horrible pastel colored books! They are far worse than Zombie Ants. They will have you curled up in a fetal position weeping over your parental inadequacy because you are drink 1.5 liters of hand squeezed organically grown fair trade pomegranite juice

    1. and by “are” I mean “aren’t” because I am fortunately not drinking hand squeezed organically grown fair trade pomegranate juice, but 90 proof bourbon on the rocks.

      This is why men aren’t allowed to carry babies in their belly. No effin self control.

      1. I had a male colleague ask me that once while I was preggers. “How do you DO that?” he asked me. I was all, “What? Grow a baby? Cuz I’m not really involved in the process, it just happens, it’s nature . . . .” and he said, “No, how do you give up beer for 9 months??” It’s the mommy-guilt. Mommy-guilt is a powerful behavior modifier, and it stays with you forever.

  6. See? ZOMBIE ANTS. My nurse husband totally believes zombies could happen, in his medical professional opinion. Shut up. I’ll meet you on my roof.

  7. Thank you SarahP! And Chicken, i love you very much so I will forgive you for the zombie ants… Elly, you are getting La Glow. You look absolutely radiant!

  8. You are adorable. Ick and all. Thanks for the smile.
    I will now contimplate the loosers that track ant zombies to thier extinction. Hmmm…


  9. awwww… song from my hometown! Love the Lips!

    Also…still waiting for my song. still waiting. and for your info that you haven’t sent me yet.


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