It’s Monday, it’s sunny, and there’s a whole new blog post from your favorite Elly. See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?
Actually, if you want to swing on over to Craftastrophe, you can score a second Elly-infused post! Yes Interwebz, those fools decided to provide me with yet another platform for inappropriateness and sarcasm. I took it easy on them for the first go round, didn’t use the word “vagina” even once. I’ll be posting there every Monday morning and hopefully making your return to the daily grind slightly less traumatic. Next time you stumble upon a really disturbing craft project and think to yourself, “I had no idea you could do that with macrame,” send me the link!
Back to the blog at hand – It’s that time of the month again. Well, yes my uterus is leaking but that’s not what I meant. It’s time to review the sick and twisted searches that brought new (and now scarred) readers to my little BugginWorld. There are SO many that made me giggle this month so bear with me. I’ll try and group them a bit so you don’t claw your eyes out. Actually, some of them are pretty horrifying on their own so eye clawing is a very real possibility.
Peppy the Piss Clam – Obviously someone is working on a children’s book about a plucky little mollusk named Peppy and his adventures off the coast of New England. That’s the ONLY possibility I’m willing to consider this early in the week. Incidentally, that could be a really fun book to illustrate.
Rocco’s Bitch Party cast – Remember when I said my husband worked in theater? I always thought he worked behind the scenes. In other news, I’m no longer speaking to my husband. Also, I’m stockpiling antibiotic creams.
creative use for extra creamed corn – Somehow I doubt this person seriously considered using their leftovers in performance art, but that’s the only suggestion housed on this site. I should really remedy that. Don’t be surprised to see a helpful and informative post on utilizing discarded creamed corn before the month is over. If I do it right, I might also have some new corn crafts to mock on Craftastrophe. (Say that five times fast.)
do ladybugs pee – No. They tinkle.
fingernail porn – I think I’m most obsessed with this one. Those are two words that I really never expected to see so close together. I don’t even know how to envision such a thing. Do you think it’s just twenty minutes of some scantily clad person clipping their nails while soft funk music plays in the background? I wonder if Peppy makes a cameo.
vagina coiffure – Visuals are dangerous. Now I’m picturing an Elvis Presley-esque bouffant perched above some gal’s lady bits. I wonder if you’d have to wear a hair net at night to keep everything just so. I’m not getting a flat iron anywhere near mine. The end.
sock puppet wearing speedo – Because I’m such a trooper, I went ahead and searched that term for you guys just in case one of you NEEDED a sock puppet wearing a speedo. I’m sad to tell you, none such a sock puppet exists. I couldn’t even find an image of a man in a speedo holding a sock puppet. I’ll just add that bad boy to the bottom of my project list, right between “fix bugginword.com” and “start Lolcelebrities.”
Rather than tell you all the horribly disturbing things that people want to do to miniature ponies, I’ll leave you with one last shameless plug to encourage you to go play at Craftastrophe. They find some real jewels out there. For instance, here’s a little something for all you shoe freaks.