Search Optimization-ish

As promised, I’m back with the second ever “Weird Searches That Bring People to My Site” post.  November’s searches might even be weirder than the first time I tried this.  You’re probably going to want to grab a drink before you read this.  But you should shotgun that drink because a) it’ll make this more amusing for us both and b) I wouldn’t want you to spit your white russian all over your keyboard again.

  • my snatch” A simple and eloquent phrase, no?  I can’t help but giggle when Dad uses it in casual conversation – which is surprisingly often seeing as how he lacks one himself.
  • how to help make my uterus more sticky” I would think that a uterus is pretty damn sticky just by virtue of it being a human organ.  They always look sticky when they open up the bodies on all the crime shows.  Just in case someone uses that search again in search of an answer, I would suggest used bubble gum, old honey, or marshmallow fluff.
  • thanksgiving ferret costumes” Huh.  Do you think this person wanted to look like a ferret, or did they want their ferret to look like a pilgrim?  If you ever come back, Dear Searcher, can you let me know?
  • is vaginae the proper plural” Well Interwebz, I am shocked.  Apparently my spell check recognizes THAT word.  I’m still going to use “vaginas” instead and you can’t stop me.  But I guess you could stop reading me and that might be even more traumatic than misspelling the plural of vagina.  Oh what a tangled web…
  • best touch screen that won’t butt dial” I’m just thrilled to learn I’m not the only one suffering from the challenges that result from having evolved opposable ass cheeks.
  • mary lou retton unitard”  I suppose it is the holiday season and people are researching potential gifts…like a used unitard with crotch sweat more than three decades old.  If there are any elves reading, I’d like to state unequivocally that I do NOT need one of my own.  But thanks, anyway.
  • excessively meaningless”  Well, Hell!  I think I just found myself a slogan for the site!  Anyone for a t-shirt?

And that concludes this month’s “Weird Searches That Bring People to My Site” post.  I’m pleased to report a decline in searches involving the word “porn” though people are still diggin’ on “tightrope straps” and it’s hard to believe the two aren’t related.  (That was an unfortunate string of words to Google.  I must now go claw out my eyes.)


  1. I think my search optimization thing lies to me. It says the only search I came up on was Bik Dik feck in ass from google france. I think Google is on crack. I enjoy your site.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Taken Tuesday =-.

  2. “how to help make my uterus more sticky” At first i thought this one has got to be the most hilarious, then I realized perhaps it was done by someone who is experiencing fertility issues. I wish I could find that woman and say, “Honey, bless your heart. BUT do please go see a fertility specialist. Googling, esp. these terms? Ain’t gonna help.”
    .-= submom´s last blog ..All things on cable TV considered, I wish my hotel had porn… =-.

    1. Damn, I knew you were a better person than I am. I’m still giggling over sticky uteri. It reminds me of those cheesy sticky octopus toys we’d get out of the gumball machines as kids. You’d throw them at the mirror or wall and they’d stick then sort of slimely roll down the wall leaving a trail of ectoplasm in their wake. Well, I picture a little tiny sticky plastic uterus rolling down a mirror. I’m going to hush now.

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