It’s that time of the month again. No not THAT time. (I’m always this bitchy.) It is time for another wrap-up of the strangest search terms that brought people here to my little Buggin world last month – or proof that the End of Days is upon us. It could go either way, really.
“deep, inspirational crap” – I am SO your girl, Wayfaring Google Searcher. In fact, I’m elbow deep in inspirational crap. And vaginas. And boxes, but more on that later. I can’t imagine you really care about the boxes. Unless they’re inspirational boxes. Or deep boxes. Or crap boxes? You’re wearing me out, Wayfaring Google Searcher. Is nothing good enough for you?
“rocco’s vagina” – He doesn’t have one. I checked. Repeatedly. I mean, no one’s ever had an un-descended vagina, right? You know what, I’m not even going to google that. One of you can report back to me.
“does willie nelson have his own state” – If the great state of Awesome counts, then YES! The state flag is a bandanna. The state bird is my middle finger. The state seal is a leopard seal and has opposable thumbs and can hold a bat. The state plant is…well, duh.
“jesus as a vagina” – I’ve seen Mary as a vagina but not Jesus. Yet. Maybe this is what they were looking for? (Don’t click that at work, perv.) All I know is that each of my brothers is getting a pair of these for Christmas this year.
“franzia vat recipe” – Patty? Are you listening? They’re looking for you, Patty. Your Franz-ciples want you to lead them. If you concoct a vat of Franzia filled goodness, they will come. Say, is a vat big enough to bathe in? I want to be sure I pack accordingly for the vat-a-thon…
“can i use vaseline in my throat?” – Everyone knows you only use vaseline on your lips. Oh. And on your teeth if you’re one of those pageant people. Um. And on your tongue if you’re “dating” Charlie Sheen. But that’s it, ok? Never vaseline past the uvula. Also, someone tell Charlie he shouldn’t pass the uvula, either.
“vaginas how do they work” – Like magnets? This just further supports my theory that Juggaloos can’t get laid. I’m going to ask Willie’s leopard seal to bean you upside the head now, k?
mennonite song to the unicorn theme – Doesn’t that sound magnificent? I thought so, too! So I googled it. And? It IS magnificent. Even if there aren’t any mennonites. Unless Shannon is a mennonite and I somehow missed that detail. Turn up the sound. You’re welcome.
Stay tuned, Interwebz. I’m sure they’ll only get worse with the passing months. Not unlike Charlie Sheen’s kidneys.
Mennonite song to the unicorn theme?
Man, I totally get all the others, but that one is just weird!
Look, everyone loves unicorns. And everyone needs a theme song. I think it makes perfect sense. Then again, I won’t eat blue m&ms.
Wow woman you’re search terms are almost as messed up as mine and that’s saying something!
Sweet baby jeebus I MUST have that thong!!
I thought of you as I clicked all over it.
That is soooo sweet!!
so many vaginas, so little time.
It really is a wee bit pitiful, ain’t it?
“My vagina belongs to Jesus” — do nuns wear that thong under their habits? Nah. Any nuns I’ve known would prefer the thong that says “Speak to me in tongues.”
*fans self and rereads comment* Debra…is that really YOU? Saucy!
Vaginas only work like magnets when you’ve landed on Juggalo Island with Insane Clown Possee. The poles reverse and you need to lock up your bits to protect them from all the dangerous missles wearing clownface headed toward them at full speed.
If the barrier is breached I heard you can spray disinfectant and stun them long enough to get away.
I only said this because someone sprayed my hair with half a can of Aquanet and I’m still high.
I promise my next comment will make sense.
Wait, so you’re disinfected and Juggaloos wear behives? I’m some confused.
My favorite was “kinder pussy” which just showed up in my stats yesterday.
Hopefully it refers to kinder as “nicer,” and not kinder as in “kinder-garten.”
Oh gawd. Why did you have to say that? Let’s just pray it meant “nicer.”
I have to admit I was thinking the same thing Andrea was. Probably because I recently read this: http://nakedcupcakes.blogspot.com/p/not-funny-stuff.html
I’m not reading this if it’s about bad things happening to kids.
Wheee!
Pearl
A unicorn named Tom Cruise? Is that coincidental or . . . ?
Ha, I do love that Planet Unicorn, and I’m not typically a unicorn fan.
I’m going to go with a no. Not with that hair, anyway.
i’m desinging thongs for the vat-a-thon now:
“tap this, the franzia’s all mine.”
will you be our seamstress?
“This box is for sharing.”
Hey, how did you find this stuff out, anyhow?
Google and WordPress analytics. I’m like an IT whiz. (And I mean whiz in a pee way not a whizkid way.)
My facial soap this morning looked exactly like a vagina. I think I’ve been influenced/damaged by your blog.
I’m adding that to the “special skills” section of my resume and putting you down as a reference.
Fun, fun-fun-superfun. Especially the how do vaginas work part.
Thank you! I’ve always wondered what kind of undergarments the nuns wear!
Those panties terrify me.
Though I did once know an Argentinian named Jesus. And if I were looking to hand over vaginal ownership, he would be a possible candidate.
I feel better now.
– B x
I am just in awe of all the vagina-age.
Like, lots of vaginas.
To assist you in future word searches, I just wanted to add vagina, with some vagina, and a side of vagina. With some vagina sauce.
Okay, that last one went too far. Sorry.
And also? Vagina.