Roaches Are Forever

With all the excitement from the Grammys last night, you probably forgot to get your special someone a special something for Valentine’s Day.  As usual, I’ve got your back, Interwebz.

Flowers wilt. Chocolates melt. Roaches are forever.

Can’t decide on what to get that special someone for Valentine’s Day? Sometimes the answer is all around us, and right where it’s been for millions of years–like cockroaches! How better to express your appreciation for that special someone than to name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after them?

Sadly, I’m not making this up.  True story.  You can see it here.

…and as everyone knows, all things classy come from the Bronx.  Ahem.

Naming a roach in honor of someone near and dear to your heart shows that you’ve noticed how resilient, resourceful, and loyal that person is. Or maybe it’s in recognition of your one and only’s virility, or strength in the face of high radiation. You’re not afraid to say, “Baby, you’re a roach!”

But not just any roach….He or she is a Madagascar hissing roach, the biggest and loudest of these stalwart insects. WCS’s Bronx Zoo has 58,000 of these brown, iridescent beauties, and they need names. With a $10 donation, one of them can be named by you. How sweet!

Please.  PLEASE.  Can we get some sort of bill before Congress outlawing the combination of the words “brown,” “iridescent,” and “beauties” in a sentence?

We’ll send a truly memorable certificate of honor to that certain someone explaining that there’s a special insect living at the Bronx Zoo with his or her name on it.

I have to admit the certificates are pretty damn classy.  Well, as classy as something from the Bronx and covered in cockroaches can possibly be.  Check it:

Happy VD, bitches.  Spread it wide and far to all those you love.  And start hording Cipro.


      1. Well, especially considering she’s been dead for years.

        (The bugs crawl in, the bugs crawl out, the bugs play pinochle on your snout…)

  1. Nothing says love like: “I was just thinking of how our love could stand the test of nuclear radiation… Which made me think of cockroaches… Happy Valentines Day!!!”

    I wonder if they give cards too.

  2. Wow. I can always count on you for classy gift giving ideas! I sure hope someone names a roach after me. What a compliment. I think?


        1. Hiss.
          I’ve seen these fat succulent beauties roaming around their display case down in the much avoided insect section of the National Zoo. Then I am instantly transported to a nightmare of a daydream where one infiltrates a bodily oriface lays eggs and has it’s offspring devour me from the inside out leaving my brain for last so that I can be conscious of the sheer horror of the situation.

  3. i’m naming mine “scarface” because no one sayz “You fucking COCKERRRROACCHHH” better than al pacino.

    happy valentines day, my favorite lovebug!♥

  4. Oh dear, I hope they don’t tell the roach it’s name is now LiLo, it might start drinking too much and showing up to court in hand me down Sharon Stone dresses.

  5. I wonder if these are the surviving roaches from when Fear Factor was cancelled. Lucky bugs. Even luckier that they’re safe in the zoo, never to actually meet LiLo’s crabs.

  6. yes!! this is great idea 🙂 do they do this on days other than v-day? i’m thinking maybe birthdays, christmas, congratulations you’re not pregnant day…

  7. Did you get one for me? If so, remember to use my Chinese name. Oh you mean they don’t tattoo the names on the roaches? What a scam!

Comments are closed.