I know this news is a couple days old now, but I just can’t stop thinking about it.
A 37-year-old woman in Florida has been charged with reckless driving after causing an accident because she was distracted as she shaved her pubic hair.
The things people send me…it just makes my heart swell with pride. I love it when an email starts out with, “Is it sad that I think of you…when running across these types of stories?” It’s not sad at all, Interwebz. In fact, it’s splendid! My life would have been empty had I somehow missed this jewel of an article. You are a prince amongst men, Marc.
The Florida Highway Patrol says a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
I’ll be adding this article to the pile of evidence I’m accumulating to justify my aversion to attacking my nether regions with knives and/or molten substances. (You hear me Wicked Shawn?)
Also a recipient of the article, Creamed Corn commented, “Wasn’t she afraid of cutting herself?” I can just picture her dipping a Lady Bic into a water filled coffee mug sloshing in the console’s cup holder while smearing globs o’ shaving cream on her snatch. That’s just plain messy and too much work. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt, assume she has at least a little intelligence, and guess she used an electric razor. That’s what Rocco uses when he manscapes on roadtrips.
After the accident, Barnes reportedly continued to drive for approximately half of a mile before stopping. Initially, her ex-husband Charles Judy claimed to be driving and insisted Barnes was in the passenger seat. The ruse was quickly discovered by investigators.
Whadya reckon the “ruse” was discovered when the investigators noticed the drivers side seat was covered in pubes? Looks like all these years of watching crime shows is honing my deductive skills, eh?
I can’t get that old Tribe Called Quest song out of my head.
Now, here’s where I get a little confused. Take a gander at the bubbly Ms. Barnes. Girlie is so dedicated to her grooming regime that she couldn’t dream of foregoing her weekly twat trimming, yet she has no problem leaving the house with those roots? If she’d taken the time to shower and wash that greasy hair, she might have noticed a different patch of hair was also in need of attention.
Then again, maybe she didn’t have time to stop by her local craft store to pick up a Vajazzle Yourself Kit AND shower all in the same day.
Yes folks, these are the thoughts that keep me up at night. I hoped that writing about it might get all these visuals out of my head so I could sleep. We’ll never know, for I made the mistake of watching the new Lady Gaga video. It’s safe to say I won’t be sleeping at all this weekend.