Bad news. I’ve been racking my brain for days (ok really only the past 30 minutes or so when I realized what today is) for some witty and creative April Fool’s prank for today’s post. I’ve got nothing. I am devoid of funny. I can’t decide if I should blame chemo brain, allergies, or Rod Stewart.
Even my dear brother Thom had no ideas. “you found Jesus, you’re allergic to semen, you just read that Corey Feldman died, that’s all I have this early in the morning.”
Fucker. Like anyone would fall for those. It’s his fault you get nothing today. Typical Thom.
Are you ready to have your mind blown, Interwebz? I’m going to share a teensy weensy secret with you – I have a mean streak. GASP! I sometimes pull mean pranks on people. SHOCK! I’ll tell you my favorite prank, though I haven’t done it in a LONG time. Maybe you’ll be able to use it on one of your loved ones today. Caring is sharing, after all.
Generally, this prank works best with a crowded car on a long drive through the winding mountain roads of North Carolina or Virginia. In a pinch, you can execute this move on an empty stretch of highway. Being a highly accomplished prankster, I’ve been known to whip out my move on the West Side Highway in rush hour traffic.
I’d like to thank my brother Thom for his part in the creation of this prank. Only a teenage sibling could inspire a volume of petty anger great enough to inspire such a move. He’s still hesitant to ride in a car with me to this day.
You have to wait for the right moment. Timing is everything. Your passengers need to be completely zoned. Lull them with a false sense of security. Try driving for at least half an hour. At the very least, your passengers need to be gazing out the side windows. Ideally, their heads are lolling around on the head rest and their mouths are gaping wide open as snores fill the cab of your vehicle.
Accelerate. Gently. Subtly.
Then, while screaming “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!” simultaneously slam on the breaks and jerk the steering wheel to and fro.
I tell you, your passengers will LOVE it. I usually have to pull over for a bit because it’s just so hard to drive when your eyes are filled with tears from laughing so hard. It also gives my passengers a moment to change their underwear and threaten to hitchhike home.
Happy April Fool’s. I’ll start planning next year’s post now.