Plastic Can Be Good

Here’s today’s lesson, Interwebz: Procrastination will kick you square in the kayak every single time.

I'm having Barbie flashbacks.

Approximately eleventy weeks ago, SubWow tagged me with the Plastic Joy Award.  Long story short, I’m supposed to “list (and then explain your reasoning) 5 characters you’d like to do the horizontal whiplash with.”

…then she tagged a bevy of beauties that are all tragically witty and deranged including Wicked, Vapid, Andrea and Patty…who then tagged Kelly and Ryan…and suddenly I’m all out of fictional characters I’d like to scrog!

Ok not really.  I managed to come up with five more, but you need to know my options were a wee bit limited by the time I got around to writing my response.

That’s not an apology – just a disclaimer.

Here’s another disclaimer – if you are one of my siblings or contributed DNA to make my ass, you probably don’t want to read this.  That is also not an apology.

Beam me. STAT.

Sweet, swarthy Star Trek!  Jean Luc Picard definitely makes my list.  I’d let that man captain my vessel any day of the week.  That accent, that confidence, that ability to wear red polyester and not look like an employee of McDonalds – what couldn’t that man do?  Sure, Wesley Crusher was the character gracing the covers and centerfolds of my Tiger Beats, but I only had eyes for Jean Luc.  I can’t tell you how many adolescent day dreams involved him twisting his extended finger while booming in his authoritative voice, “ENGAGE.”

Who do? You do!

I always wanted to marry royalty, but no despot got me quite as tingly as Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth.  “I ask so little.  Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want.”  I’ve had far less appealing offers from plenty of long-haired, spandex-clad weirdos with even more eye makeup than his Royal Muppet-ness…and with far smaller cod pieces.  And he could sing.  And dance. Well mostly he just tossed muppets about while thrusting his ginormous cod piece in their faces but it WAS in time with the music which is more than I can say for those other previously mentioned long-haired, spandex-clad weirdos.  He was the babe with the power, no doubt.

Speaking of cod pieces…next up is the lovely King Mother-Fucking Henry as played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers on the Tudors.  Have you people seen this show?  I’ve only watched the first two seasons thus far but DAMN.  I’m almost embarrassed to admit I watched them because it is so full of THE SEX.  I’m talking crazy, sweaty, graphic, fluid-filled sex that makes you hit pause, make sure the front door is locked and the shades are drawn before you pour yourself a glass of wine, turn down the volume and move closer to the TV so your neighbors don’t hear all the skin slapping when you finally press play again.  Then rewind.  Then play.  Then rewind.  Then…you get the point.

Shit.  I still need two more that haven’t already been claimed….

Oh!  How about Tom Collins from Rent?  (As performed by Jesse L Martin from the original Broadway cast and the movie, of course.)

Pre movie release, I would bet I’m the only gal that ever squealed, “Oh my GOD TOM COLLINS!!!!” when stumbling upon a set for Law & Order.  Do you hear that deep, hypnotic voice?  Do you need a fresh pair of undies, too?  He’s erudite, liberal, generous, gracious and fine as hell.  Sure he’s gay, but I think our mutual affection for drag queens would be more than enough commonality to start a conversation and get the (AHEM!) ball rolling.

I think it's all about the ears.

Phew!  I thought I would have to list Mr Miyagi since I was completely blanking on a fifth character but fortunately I looked at another photo of David Bowie – which made me think of goblins – which made me think of how badly I need a pedicure – which made me think of hobbits – which reminded me of the smoking hot elf.  Crisis averted.  He is so pretty.  And I think we can all agree that he’s at least marginally sexier than Mr. Miyagi.

Want to share yours?  You know what to do!  Just for fun, I’m going to tag some of my new favorite bloggers and see what they come up with:

Not only do I now have a picture of naked dolls getting freaky on my site, I’m pretty sure I just passed on a pretty nasty STD to a whole mess of bloggers.  My work here is done.


  1. I was wondering what those foul red bumps were.
    Also I cannot BELIEVE I forgot Jonathan Rhys Meyers and his stint as the horny king!
    Did you ever see him in Velvet Goldmine with Ewan McGregor. Shit, I forgot Ewan McGregor too.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Celebrities Save the World (Again!) =-.

    1. Clearly the bedazzling commune is going to need to start a whole other blog just to keep track of all the fictional characters we want to bang. I call dibs on the Snorks.

  2. As comment luv would suggest I am completely spent from this meme and am unable to think of anything other that fictional character sex…how about Spartacus from Blood and Sand…blood, sand and hot sweaty sex with ferocious fighters!

    Thankfully now I can also stew over cod pieces.
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Bow Chicka Wow Wow! =-.

  3. OMG. You would tag me moments after I publish a notice of hiatus. Geesh. And I’m totally with you on the Tudors. You described exactly what happens at my house.

    1. SADNESS. Oh wait, now that I read it I can only be happy for you. Sad for me, but very very happy for you. Just promise you’ll ping me if you find another giant schlong in the middle of the street, k?

  4. Awesome list! You have outdone yourself again! The rule did not say No repeats, but I guess a selfish bitch that you are, you don’t like sharing do you??!! 😉 LOL

    No wonder my husband was watching Tudors at the expense of sleep. Hmmm. I think we need to have a conversation…

    “I’m pretty sure I just passed on a pretty nasty STD to a whole mess of bloggers. My work here is done.” LUV LUV this! 😉
    .-= subWOW´s last blog ..Rainbow =-.

    1. No, no, no…it’s just that I know where you ladies (term used loosely, but still not quite as loose as you ladies) have been and I don’t think I want to double dip. I stayed off the tour buses for a reason. Or something.

  5. Haha, Jareth! He totally could have made my list too. And after seeing the elfishness, it reminded me that I should have added Jack Sparrow to my list. Next time . . . .
    .-= Andrea´s last blog .."Bad Things" =-.

  6. Damn you for taking Jonathan Rhys Meyers. I just started watching The Tudors a few weeks ago. I’ve got one more disc on season 2, I think. Sigh. Sex. And hot men with English accents. And sex. And accents.

    *excuse me a minute*

    Ok. I actually like this idea. I’ll be putting my list together shortly.

    Too fucking funny, btw.
    .-= Alyson´s last blog ..Even my psychotic half is an attention seeker =-.

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