Now With More Uterus!

Rocco:  So what’s in the package?

Me:  Oh, that body pillow I ordered.  It’s almost as tall as I am.  Who do we know that will let us seal them up in that box?

Rocco:  No, the little package by the TV.

Me:  You mean the uterus?

Rocco:  The what?

Me:  The uterus.  Kate sent it to me.

Rocco:   Your sister-in-law sent you a uterus.

Me:  It’s plushy.  And it can hug you with it’s little fallopian tubes.

Rocco:  *opens package*  It’s a uterus.

Me:  That’s what I said.  There’s a sticker uterus, too.

Rocco:  *pulls sticker from package, reads aloud*   “Womb service?”   There’s a post card, too.

Me:  It’s cute, isn’t it?  Apparently my uterus is Japanese.

Rocco:  “Hey Elly, I thought you needed a uterus to cuddle since yours is being used at the moment…”  You know Honey, sometimes your family…

Me: Is adorable?  I know!!

Sad thing is, I'm pretty sure this is about the same size as my ACTUAL uterus these days.

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  1. I don’t know about your uterus but your boobs are looking huge. Which is obviously one of the high points of pregnancy.

    I had no idea they made plush japanese uteruses. The world never ceases to amaze me.


  2. OMG if I had a uterus like that I would take it on an adventure! First stop, the maternity ward. I would show my uterus just how special and important it is. Next stop, the zoo. I think my uterus needs to also know how lucky it is to be mine and not a hippo’s or elephants because nobody desires a ginormous uterus. To finish off our day, a little ice cream, because everyone knows it’s their favorite!

    1. Nobody? I beg to differ. Octomom and that Dugger chick seem to confuse their uteri with clown cars. Then again, cats do that, too. For the record, I have no idea where I’m going with this.

  3. I thought about getting a little stuffed gall bladder to commemorate the time I had mine removed. I just never got around to it.

    1. Frighteningly, you’re not the first person to tell me that. But then again, what else can a girl expect after writing a post about said uterus?

  4. AW you can never have too much uter…..wait, WHAT? Dude, that’s just…that’ wrong. I mean it’s not Rod Stewart in a Speedo wrong, but it’s still…no one should cuddle uteruses. Uteri? Whatever. No.

    P.S. Yep, you’re hosting the titteh Olympics! Damn spawn making your assets swell. 🙂

      1. Your uterus made a pass at me and I feel a little uncomfortable.

        Could you please control your uterus? It’s trying to ride the mechanical bull again.

        I have uterus envy.

        Your uterus ate my lunch and now it’s powalking around asking people to pull it’s fallopian tube.

        These are all things I would tell you if your uterus came to vist me because we would do fun things.

  5. Uh, it seems that one of the uterus’s eyes is larger than the other. Your uterus is giving us all the stink eye. (Now that’s a movie title if I ever heard one.)

  6. That is awesome, now you can take out all your preggo aggro out on the adorable uterus.
    Can’t fit into another pair of pants? *Socks uterus in the left eye* Take that, uterus!
    Have to get up 15 times a night to pee? *Stretches tubes to the limit and ties ’em* You days are numbered, internal organ!
    Feeling like a meat suit worn by a fetus? *Punches the uterus in the uterus* How you like me now, uter-bitch?

  7. You should totally take your uterus places and take pictures of it in front of famous landmarks.

    “My uterus on the Brooklyn Bridge”
    “My uterus at the Eiffel Tower”

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