My brain is a little sludgy lately. I’m not sure if it’s this cold that won’t go away or the weather. Actually, I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it is. I’m getting anxious about my next appointment with Aloysius. November 30th. Three weeks. Twenty one days. Dude.
A lot of you are participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) or NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), but I’m thinking of November as NoGoFreBouScanNoMo (Not Gonna Freak About Scans No More). So far I’m sucking at it. And it’s making me dumb.
I can prove it. Here’s the convo I had with my little brother just the other day:
Thom: Hey Elly! What did the vagina say to the vibrator?
Me: *blank stare*
Thom: *shaking in his seat* ERRRGGGGHHH
Me: Heh. How do you spell “ERRRGGGHHH?”
Thom: Are you going to blog this?
Me: Probably. It seems sad to waste a vagina joke. *pauses to sip drink* Wait, shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t the vibrator say *shaking in seat* “ERRRRGGGHHH?”
Thom: But a vibrator doesn’t have lips.
Me: *blank stare, sips drink, finishes dinner, time passes* Oh! I get it! A vagina DOES have lips! So it can talk!
Thom: *blank stare*
Did you hear that, Interwebz? I totally missed a vagina joke! If that doesn’t prove I’m not quite myself, I don’t know what does. So bear (bare?) with me if my grammar and spelling are even worse than usual for the next three weeks.
When I was sick, I started compiling a soundtrack of the songs that played in my head while I was hooked up to chemo, feeling lonely, or laughing at my shiny head. Being the nerd that I am, I actually had copies pressed for family and friends when I went into remission. I called them my “Thanks for Not Letting Me Die Presents.” You know, like Christmas presents…but in a morbid and questionably unhealthy way.
Anyway, I have one of the songs from that mix stuck in my head today. And based on the conversations I’ve had and blogs I’ve read this week, it seems I’m not the only one feeling a little “off” and sludgy. So here’s today’s ear worm. As the adorable Rosy Grier said, “It might make you feel better.”
Off and sludgy for sure. And stuck in a hospital 2 hours from home. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.
I’d bring you a cookout shake if I was there. Good luck.
Dude. I still don’t get it.
Vagina’s are deaf, but not mute. Allegedly.
I still don’t get it.
But to be fair, I’m not really trying.
Don’t be worried Elly, worry is such a useless emotion. Of course you can’t help worrying so that’s a redundant thing to say. But it’s colossally more funny when said in the voice of that rather charming Rosey Grier dude. Try it.
Already looking forward to that happy uke song when the scan’s all clear! Yay!
He’s adorable, right? Everything is funnier in his voice. Also, he’s so ginormous his guitar looks like a uke.
I’m with Bridget. I still don’t get that stupid vagina joke either. Maybe it’s just a bad joke and your sludgy brain is working just fine.
Either way, I find myself saying *shaking in chair* ERRRGGGHHH way more than necessary now.
My off and sludgy thoughts are with you Pumpkin! The anticipation sucks. (I’ve got no humor today…sorry)
It’s going around. Fortunately, so is the world on its axis. But I wouldn’t bet that doesn’t get screwed up somehow, too.
I had no idea Rosy Grier was so versatile.
“Sad and grumpy down in the dumpy.”
I’m just so grateful the comment police let me back in I don’t even know what to do with myself much less leave a tiny poo nugget of wisdom.
Sometimes we all miss a vagina joke no matter how well schooled or knowledgeable we are about he subject.
Do the Comment Police have the same lineup as the regular Police? ‘Cause it seems to me you’d be down with them chaining you up any day.
Sending positive thoughts your way, chica. Don’t freak out.
Oh good, another vagina joke to get my Tuesday started. Oh, how I love thee.
I also don’t really get the joke… You have some dense friends, it seems. Can you include a telling of this joke in Friday’s video?
I am pretty sure Elly’s brain is fine and Thom just missed the vagina boat(known around here as a kayak) on that joke.
Elly, my lovely, you are fabulous, your scan will prove it. Eat turducken and be merry, well, be Elly, but a happy Elly, ya know merry Elly, not to be confused with Mary, who was a virgin, or the whore one, which may be why I’m not religious, or is that why I should be religious. Were they the same woman? I’m so confused now. Can I have a drink?????
I have the song from the banana boat commercial in my head now. I have no idea about the Mary thing. I think only Kelly and Tom G know that answer.
Maybe I can just sweet talk Thom into making a cameo.
Uhm, as you may have guessed, I did not get the joke. Are there any visuals? On second thought, I don’t want vagina visuals. Sending you good vibrations…
Thom does some fine vaginal illustrations on cocktail napkins while drunk. I’ll see if he has any of those lying around.
Tell Thom that none of us get the joke. Maybe he could do an explanatory video about why the vagina would choose to imitate a vibrator. Also, if electricity and water don’t mix, how exactly do vibrators work without killing people? Or are batteries different than outlets? Do they have vibrators that plug in even? I’m just having a woefully underinformed, and perhaps a bit undereducated in the sciences kind of day. Does Rosey have a song about that? I didn’t know about the cancer stuff. I can see why you are dreading the scan.
Where’s ToyWithMe when I need her? You really don’t have any waterproof vibrators? Also, wasn’t it Shakespeare that called orgasms tiny deaths? Crap. I probably just outed myself as an idiot for not knowing that for sure. But know what? I’m still too sludgy to research it. So let’s just pretend I know what I’m talking about.
(one of these days I’ll stop clicking “comment luv” instead of “submit comment”…)
I’m sending all the warm fuzzy vibes that I can over the interwebz right now. Just put your hand up to the screen like Carol Ann. I promise you won’t get sucked inside.
See! I bet you feel better already!
Hey! That was a pretty good impression of my brother doing an impression of a vibrator!
I remember the date. I remember the date from the post when you say there is a trip to Paris as a treat afterwards. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I want you and Rocco to be there. And I want you to tweet from the top of Eiffel tower and tell a vagina joke from a cafe on the side walk in Paris. I cannot wait for the day. Sign me up for NoGoFreBouScanNoMo. You are taking membership right??!! xxxxxoooooo
You’re the captain of the team, pookie. I don’t think we’ll be able to pull off Paris until next year with his schedule, but I’ll at least go eat some coq au vin and drink some french wine to celebrate. Why don’t you come visit and join in the celebration? We’ll go see Brief Encounter. 🙂
Oh Sister/Cousin, you’re entitled to some sludginess with so much on your mind, BUT think positive thoughts like… I’m positive I kicked cancer’s ass so hard it wouldn’t dare show up again!
*sigh* That’s my man!
Obviously you’re going to have to help him with his comic timing just a tidge.
Just put on some cupcake lipgloss and breathe. You’re magic too!
In the immortal words of Rod Stewart *gag* – have I told you lately that I love you?
I JUST BOUGHT cupcake lipgloss! I’m serious.
It comes in a pink cupcake holder with sprinkles and the frosting screws off to reveal the lucious pot of gold inside.
It smells like strawberry vanilla heaven.
Do vaginas and vibrators have conversations? Cuz if so, I think mine has something to say.
It will be well, Elly. You will be well. Rest easy. Or drink a lot for the next three weeks?
Since mine is deaf, she keeps asking the vibrator to repeat itself.
Whenever you have the energy…replace the worry with positive – really, truly, confident positive – thinking. It helps me.
…When I have the energy, that is.
A little clarity never hurts either, right? Which brings me back to vodka.
Damn woman, missing a vagina jokle is a serious sign. I have no doubt all will be well cause Kenneth told me so, and as you know he’s never wrong. We both send you big hugs and glittery rainbow farting unicorn dreams of peace. <3
I might take one into my big creepy tube, too. And the CAT machine. Ba dum bum.
i’ll bare with you. our souls? our clothes? either way you’re guaranteed a good laugh and that never hurts.
your scan is going to be clean, my vagina told me so. and my vagina never ever lies. well, sometimes i lie on her behalf, but it’s okay because she doesn’t hear me.
(((hugs honey bunch)))
Those silly deaf vaginas. I’m a little disturbed to know that your plan, should you ever see me naked, is to laugh. My thighs don’t have a very good sense of humor.
what! no, silly goose. you’re going to have the good laugh, you, as in elly. i suck monkey balls lately for some reason, so yes it is going around.
You know what you need? The vagina game. Go into a large crowded place, and just randomly start saying vagina. See just how loud you can say it before you either get kicked out, or can’t stop laughing.
That’s good medicine.
So far my cats don’t seem to get it. I might have to leave the house and try it again.
The sludge is going around. I’m just now feeling better after nearly 3 weeks. Its going around.. and around and.. well you get what I’m saying.
Like my brain in the gutter, it’s just swirling the drain. *fist bumps*
I don’t think I could like you anymore than I already do. You’re badass. 😉 Let’s spoon. I’ll even be the big spoon. But just this once.
I’m fetal and waiting. That sounds disgusting, ps.
Good thoughts headed your way! ((hugs))
I’ve been feeling off and sludgy, too. Rosey Grier singing that some made me laugh. Thank you. 🙂
Rosie makes everything better. The end.
Have always loved this song- it was on the Free To Be You and Me album I had as a kid, and now Hayden loves it, too. Sending you hugs and smooches and everything nice…
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