Rocco: *sound of flushing* Is it possible for onions to move through you that quickly?
Rocco: Well I guess that explains it then. Be warned, the bathroom smells like White Castle.
Now that you’re all ravenously hungry, I have to tell you about my new cookbook – Mosh Potatoes: Recipes, Anecdotes and Mayhem from the Heavyweights of Heavy Metal.
You had totally forgotten I used to work in METAL, didn’t you? I knew I should have lit Herbert on fire in that last uke video. I’m losing my edge.
When I heard last week that one of my former METAL coworkers, Steve “Buckshot” (no seriously) Seabury, had just released his first book, I ran right out and bought it. Now, just in time for Thanksgiving, I have access to culinary delights such as “Iron Quiche,” “Kale ‘Em All,” “Weeping Brown Eye Chili,” and the ever appetizing “Shrimp Clits on Grit Cakes.” So who wants to come over for dinner?!?
What? It’s too far a commute? Well,I have a solution! How about I just include the recipe by Gen from Genitorturers‘ “Hot Rod Penis Loaf” right here?
Hot Rod Penis Loaf
Originally hailing from New Mexico, I came up with this fun twist on a long time family meatloaf dish, deciding to spice it up a bit Genitorturers-style. It has been a mainstay hit at dinner parties at our house, thanks to its kick of heat and Southwest flavor. Last time I made this, however, my husband, David “Evil D” Vincent, insisted we alter the design in an attempt to appeal to the palates of the men folk. Thus we constructed a vagina or vulva loaf. I have to say, while it was equally tasty, the end result proved a bit disturbing and is not recommended, as the inner recessed tend to fill up with questionable-looking “juices” in a way that resembles a venereal disease. A friendly reminder of why I prefer the penis…bon appÃ©tit!
Satisfies 6 completely!
1 pound lean ground beef
1 pound ground pork
One can hot Ro*tel tomatoes
2 tablespoons medium New Mexico chile powder
2 celery stalks, chopped
1 small-to-medium onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced or pressed
1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
2 teaspoons cumin seeds
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 sleeve saltine crackers, smashed
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce (preferably Lee and Perrins)
One 8-ounce can tomato sauce or 1/2 cup ketchup
Preheat oven to 375°F
Combine all the ingredients. Best way to mix is just by grabbing that big ball of meat and mashing everything together by hand.*
Once all the ingredients are well mixed, grab the entire glob and place in an un-greased 13x9x2-inch glass baking pan.
Now friends, this is where the fun begins. Fashion into the most complete likeness of your favorite penis! I prefer to make the shaft portion fairly thick. Remember, folks, it does shrink during cooking.
Bake 1 hour. Drain off excess drippings.
*NOTE: Make sure to remove any rings. Trust me on this one. It’s a bad scene that will haunt you if you don’t.
Really, I am too good to you, Interwebz.