More Than One Way to Skin a Mac

I can’t decide which hurts more today, my brain or my uterus.  I like it when everything breaks simultaneously.  No really.  It’s my FAVORITE.

Not that my uterus is broken.  It’s just leaking.  If I wasn’t racking my brain with all this computer/web related stuff, I’d probably be trying to dig that bad boy out with my letter opener.  Instead I’m spending most of my time focusing on my new computer.

George Maybe?
George Maybe?

He’s driving me a little batty.  Yes, he’s definitely a male.  I still don’t know what to name him.  I think we need to spend a little more bonding time together first, but I can tell already he’s a he.

He’s not quite all I dreamed he would be.  He’s not as bright as I had hoped, but he’s very eager to please.  He’s very artsy of course, but a little lacking in some of the more common sense stuff than I had expected.

Frankly, he’s a little narcissistic and obsessed with his own good looks.

I might be a little obsessed, too.  He is incredibly sleek and sexy, very metrosexual.  In fact, he might be gay.  Rocco assures me he is not (the computer, not Rocco – not that Rocco is gay – oh hell).  Rocco hasn’t even met him yet so I have no idea from where he’s getting this insight.  I guess he’s just feels that my gay cell phone and gay blender are enough gay appliances for one household.  (We’re going to have to work on that a little since I think the clock radio is starting to have inappropriate feelings towards the DVR.)

His cubed little ass (again the computer, not Rocco) saunters right along that line of metrosexual vs homosexual.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he spent a few of his formative years over on the Continent, as they say.  My gaydar is never as good with Europeans.

Maybe I’ll call him Archibald.  I’m not sure that has quite enough of a hipster douche bag feel.  Perhaps he’s a Gerald or a Martin or maybe a Stanley.  Clearly I should have spent less time worrying about names for ponies/unicorns and focused more on possible Mac names.  All suggestions are welcome.

Dueling Desktops
Dueling Desktops

Anyway, as soon as I get He Who Has Not Been Named humming along, I’m going to have to deal with the total and complete breakdown that is happening behind the scenes of BugginWord.  As I’ve mentioned before, I judge my entire self worth on my site traffic.  For the past week, my stats have me sitting squarely at four visitors a day.  FOUR.  Did I mention that number includes me and my husband?  It’s a good thing you kids are commenting.  Otherwise Gwen would be fishing my ass out of the Hudson by my butt bow.

I’m rolling up on my one year blogiversiary (that’s a whole mess o’ rambling, kids).  That means my contract with my current host is about to end and I can jump ship.  The bad news is I have to find a new host, pack all my belongings, and then move into my new home.  You guys might recall how well my last big move went.  As my kin say, it weren’t no kinda good.

I know, I know.  “Elly, what does this have to do with the price of bread?  Is there a point here?”  Yes, my muffins.  Until I get some of these ducks lined up, I’m not going to post on weekends any more.  You’ll only see my smiling, shining vagina face on weekdays.

“Are you breaking up with me?”  No muffins, it’s not you.  It’s all me – me and my poor time management skills.  Well, not so much the poor time management skills but more of the slightly mangled brain trying to navigate a world it knows nothing about while working on an operating system it’s never used.  This might take me a minute…

I’ll think of you all weekend – both of you – my dear, dear readers.  I’ll see you again on Monday, and I’ll have some exciting news!  Now in case you’re worried you won’t get enough inappropriate and disturbing crotch references over the weekend, I suggest you order yourself one of these.  Wear it and think of ladybugs…and sundried tomatoes.  (Thanks for the link, LiLu!)


  1. 1. I’d work “Mac” into your computer’s name somehow, as in: MacDuff, MacDonald, Mac the Knife, etc., you get the drift.

    2. What, are you too good for Blogger? Use what everyone else uses. Plus it’s free.

    3. Speaking on behalf of the Lesbian Nation, we LOVE those beautiful and creative vulva necklaces. In fact, I think I recognize a few of the models.
    .-= Debra She Who Seeks´s last blog ..Canada Owns the Gold Podium! =-.

  2. “Elly, what does this have to do with the price of bread?”

    Yep. I’m stealing that for myself and you can’t stop me. You’ll get used to it in no time. Really. Just settle down and stop trying to figure it all out at once.

    I can’t blame you for taking weekends off. I’ve taken almost a 2 week vacation from my blog and probably lost all my readers by now. Who’s a loser? This guy. You’re doing great.
    .-= KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..Help Your Aunt Becky =-.

  3. I think it’s a Ryan. Ryan sounds metrosexual to me. As opposed to Bob and Rocco which are the manliest names ever. Well, at least Rocco is anyway.
    .-= Andrea´s last blog .."Waiting" =-.

    1. Vagina slinger? That just sounds painful.

      I dunno what to tell you, Shawn. I have other obligations – like laundry. You see, we girls that wear underwear have to wash it. 🙂

  4. May I suggest that you refrain from referring to He Who Has Not Been Named as a household appliance? Resist taunting your self-absorbed kick-ass new friend. You’ll be BFFs soon.

    As far as naming the electronic device, may I suggest “Absolon” – after the newly-named, all-knowing, hookah-smoking caterpillar in the new Alice. Follows the 3 syllable rule

  5. Angus?
    Cornelius button? (Okay I stole that one from cricket Island..)

    1. Giggle! My iPod is named Gordon so no go there. I named my shuffle Desmond because he makes me want to dance around in a tutu. I’m starting to realize I might be a little excessive with the naming of things. Also? Seamus just sounds dirty. So of course I LOVE that.

        1. Animal PRINT. Obviously if she was using little animal vaginas they’d only work as earrings or parts for a charm bracelet. Duh.

  6. I think the Mac is Bisexual. Sebastian is a great name, I used that as an alter ego when I got “mulch duty” as a punishment for getting caught performing oral sex on my boyfriend in the field during high school. It was a gay male alter ego, and I had my friend call me “Sebby,” (she was Backster, and no I couldn’t *see* her and her boyfriend in the field at the time…) but Sebastian would still totally work.)

    Or Cam. Get it… Mac–> Cam. Also, I think you should have 10,000 site visits. Silly people. I’m going to go buy a vulva necklace now. XO.

  7. Amos. I think your mac is Amos.

    I am of the opinion that all macs are gay men, which is why I get along with them so well.

  8. Funny, both my Macs are female. Painkiller Jane (my fave comic character) and Petra (a character from my fave novel series, Ender’s Game).
    Please elaborate on the common sense stuff that’s he’s lacking, that you expected. I am most curious about your POV on this.

  9. I’m going with Seamus too as well. I can hear the irish brogue now… a little cocked back with ale. Don’t let the Metro Sexual thing fool you… when you take off the fancy belt, a big ol’ burping gut falls out. I’ve been there.. I know. PS. Blog hosting..
    .-= Ry Sal´s last blog ..Made for Each Other… =-.

  10. Uh, hmm, the uh, Sweet Pumpkin Pie Large Lip Balm, the necklace lady sells sounds like something you should have the next time you think about going for a bike ride.

      1. I’m kinda confused about the ‘large lip’ part. I mean, are we talking about ladies of Angelina facial proportions or uh, um, ya know…

  11. There is no possible way you are at four visits a day. I come here at least ten times in an hour. My computer doesn’t have a sex unless you consider how many times a day it’s used by various people so maybe it’s having sex but not a specific gender. That was a really bad sentence that made my dead english professor roll in his grave.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Rock Star Regret =-.

  12. Hmph. I was totally going to recommend Gordon, but I see that’s your iPod’s name.

    When I read MOTH the paragraph about naming the Mac, he replied, “Huh. I think ALL appliances must be metrosexual,” with a very I-guess-we-can-agree-to-disagree tone. I didn’t question him further, because he sounded so certain, and, after all, he doesn’t know your cell phone or blender personally.

    Also, I’m with Kelly–four visits a day? Like, per reader?
    .-= Falling´s last blog ..This, That, and HOLY CRAP =-.

  13. I think it should be Bollinger for gay days and Bolly for straight days… although Bolly is fairly camp too… hmmm … Oh, I don’t know, I’m too gay!
    .-= Eternally Distracted´s last blog ..Dear Mum =-.

  14. I would go with Gerard and think of Gerard Butler every time I used your computer. But then I might never leave the computer alone and that would cause problems. Huh. I’m stumped.

    I’m with everyone else. Four visits per day? Not bloody likely. I mean you always have more than four comments a day so it’s just common sense that you have more than four visits. Someone fucked up somewhere and it wasn’t you.

    No thanks vagina jewelry. No thanks.

    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Dear Blockbuster…we are over! =-.

  15. I think you beat me. I have 3 readers a day, including the asshole sending me the 10,000 spam comments.

    As for your beautiful new Mac, I would name him Mervin Milan Mellencamp Mastriano Mochachino.

    And do you think that necklace would be an appropriate gift for my daughter’s preschool teacher? He’s very fashion forward…
    .-= Amanda@BrilliantSulk´s last blog ..George Clooney Is My New Boyfriend And I Have PMS =-.

    1. Based on my spam comments, I attract quite the tranny crowd. I think trans-genders (and blenders) should technically count twice, don’t you?

  16. So this is my third time trying to comment and I hope this one sticks (-:

    He should be Max – you know like Mac with gay lisp…just in case.

    Since I started this comment crusade on Friday and it is now Sunday, I feel better only having to wait one more day until Monday (-:
    .-= mrsblogalot´s last blog ..Mama Hard Ass =-.

  17. Yay! I’m still up there!

    Do you know it gave me a message that I am commenting too fast and told me to slow down?

    LOL! Sounds like my husband!!!
    .-= mrsblogalot´s last blog ..Mama Hard Ass =-.

    1. Oh goodie…another thing broken. Maybe I need to get a wee more aggressive on this whole new host thing. I’m pretty sure I’m going to talk with a lisp for the rest of the evening. Yeth, yeth I will.

  18. Most popular post EVER!!! Do you see now what Macs do? They make you more popular!!!

    I don’t know how you could beat this without posting a sex tape. I’m just sayin’.
    .-= KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..My Zombie & Me =-.

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