More of Me Than You Ever Wanted to See (In Every Possible Way)

I swear to you Interwebz, every morning I sit down at this desk and think, “How about you NOT write about this effing pregnancy today, Elly?  There’s only so much people can listen to you prattle on about whether or not Fort Cervix is still on lock down.  There has to be SOMETHING else to write about today.”

Then I look down.

Then I get kicked.  Hard.  So I stand up.

And I walk myself into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Maybe I have myself a little snack, too.

And I head to the closet to grab some pillows in the hopes of making this hell in my lower back end, only to be faced with THE MIRRORED BELLY.

So of course I stop what I’m doing to look up at the ridiculousness of it all.

And I feel the need to express some frustration.

And because I’m some sort of glutton for punishment, I figure why not just see if I can blind myself with mounds of excessively white flesh.

Then I get all distracted thinking about how cool it would be to go all Tupac and get a bad ass tattoo.

…and then I realize all resistance is futile and write yet another pregnancy post.



  1. Every day I sit down at my lap top to write a post about ANYTHING! And nothing happens and then I start drinking. At 8 am, with my scrambled eggs.

    Then I comment on other blogs that actually get love…like yours.

    And then I see Comment Luv and it’s constant reminder of how I haven’t written anything in 9863 years.

    (P.S. you look adorable!)

  2. You have got to be the cutest pregnant lady ever! Pregnancy is the only time in your life will expect you to be uber proud of your belly so I say live it up and take pics of it every chance you get!

  3. You talking about “Fort Cervix” reminds me of that Onion ‘Point, Counterpoint’ article, where on the one side the woman was arguing, “I want the governement out of my uterus!” and the counterpoint was an Army Sargent or General or something arguing, “We must deploy troops to Amy’s uterus IMMEDIATELY.”

  4. With the second pregnancy my wife burnt her baby belly on the stove-top burner. Be careful, will ya?
    Your belly looks sort of like mine, except mine’s hairier. TMI. Sorry.

    1. It’s just one more way I help people feel better about themselves. “Well at least I’m not as whackadoodle as that Elly chick.” I’m like a walking public service.

    1. I’m all about the tummy love but I noticed you have yet to document your spectacular rack with a series of photos devoted entirely to tits. Your vagina will be bowing down to them in a matter of weeks. Nothing like a prostrate taco.
      You are just beautiful by the way;0

  5. Holly mother of God!!!
    i guess l have missed quite a lot here (shiiiit)

    You look beautiful, woman!

    1. Well I’ve got a few more weeks. Here’s hoping the parasite is on the Jenny Craig program and not packing on another 5 pounds before be bursts from my bits.

  6. Man, if I stick my naked belly out in front of the mirror no one tells ME I’m adorable. Then they throw me out of the store!

    In other relevant questions, do you even remember what shoes you’re wearing after you put them on? Or do you have to find a mirror to remind yourself.

    PS You DO look adorable!

  7. Elly: You look beautiful. I cannot wait to see that
    little fellow and give him a great big juicy kiss.
    Congrats on our new home. For now, kiss Rocco and get
    him to give you one too from me. Hugs, Sandy

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