Midgets and Moulding

Rocco:  Why are you on the floor again?  You know you can’t get up.

Me:  I have to paint under the window moulding.

Rocco:  The only person in this house that will ever see that unpainted patch of wall is Paul and he isn’t going to care.

(Oh hey – did I mention I think the parasite’s name is Paul?  No?  So I’m pretty sure he’s a Paul.  Though I reserve the right to change my mind if he comes out looking like an Alejandro.  Or Pierrepont.  Or Fred.)

Me:  It’s not unpainted, it just needs a second coat.  Besides, Paul might really care.  What if he’s OCD?  Or what if we make friends with a midget?

Rocco:  Have you ever met a midget?

Me:  Yes!  Lots of times!

Rocco: *scornful face*

Me:  A couple of times.

Rocco:  *raised eyebrows*

Me:  There was this one time…

Rocco:  And was the midget OCD?

Me:  Um.  I distinctly remembering him saying how poor painting on the under sides of window moulding often drove him into a homicidal rage.

Rocco:  Fine, paint under the moulding.

Me:  *sigh*

Rocco:  Now what?

Me:  I have to pee again, can you help me up?


  1. oh yes, I SO do not miss this. Been there, done that, won’t ever do it again. If my daughter ever decides to have a baby, it is on my wife to put up with it.

    Just a note: when my wife was pregnant, she made ME do all of these things while she kibitzed. That way nothing interfered with her trips to the bathroom.

    1. Well seeing as how we’re still not really unpacked and we’ve got three more rooms to paint, I don’t really have time to kibitz. I’m just trying not to spritz while I do it.

  2. If you didn’t paint that, you would know it was there — unpainted — every time you entered that room. And one day, it would cause you to lose your mind, and not in a good way. Trust me on this one. I know. Better to paint now and lose your mind later when Paul explodes out his diaper all over your lap. Trust me.

  3. I’m sorry Elly but I’m taking Rocco’s side on this one. I know your parasite isn’t due for a while yet but you are doing exactly the sorts of things my wife did years ago with her pregnancies. It’s called the “nesting instinct.” Google it. And it’s a little weird for us Dads. #justsayin

    1. It’s not my fault that the people who owned this place last had no idea how to use a miter saw. Or paint. Or caulk. *twitches unconsciously*

  4. Midgets are everywhere these days and I’d hate to have anyone judging me simply because I forgot to paint under the window moulding. Paul is an awesome name for you possibly OCD parasite.

    And I’ve got my fingers crossed for “no ripping, tearing or swelling” for you and your parts. I hope you have a Lulu style birth!


  5. Enjoy being able to create achieve perfection now, because everything will be chaos once little Paul arrives. LOVE that you want to name him Paul.

  6. And here I was hoping for Montague or Artemis. I totally understand that the moulding needs to be painted. There really is no choice. Otherwise you’ll always know it’s not painted. And every time you walk in the room you’ll know. And late at night you’ll dream about that unpainted little bit of woodwork. And slowly but surely it’ll drive you mad till Rocco comes home to find you have strapped a paintbrush to little Paul’s hand and are surrounded by mounds of paint brushes and paint tins chanting “Must paint the moulding. Must paint the moulding”. It’s just how it is.

  7. Preparing for a unborn child’s possible mental illness is the hallmark of stellar, preventative parenting.
    I’m assuming you’re also prepared for the zombie apocalypse? Because brain seeking babies require quite a bit of extra supplies and access to fresh gray matter.

  8. Even though I’m overwhelmed with the feeling that I should be running toward you in slow motion, arms open while the chariot of fire theme plays, I’m going to launch into a whole different case scenario here.
    There are at least five Lilliputian rock stars with the potential to be visiting your home, The diminutive Andy Summers being the most important of this lot. You’d do well to make sure all your “underneaths” are painted as I hear he can become a right stroppy cow when faced with sloppy trim work.

  9. OCD, unlike people, does not prejudice against midgests, so of course there are bound to be midgets with OCD. Duh, Rocco!

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