Merde Croissants

Me:  Are you looking forward to your trip to Paris?

Gwen:  I guess so.  I’m not very prepared.

Me:  What, like you’ve got no clean underwear?  You don’t have all your vaccinations?

Gwen:  No, I haven’t read any of the guide books or picked up any French phrases.

Me:  You don’t know any French?  Not even the lyrics to Lady Marmalade?

Gwen:  Well, I know how to say “thanks” and “pardon” but that’s about it.  I don’t even know how to say “you’re welcome.”

Me:  Its not “de nada?”

Gwen:  That’s Spanish.

Me:  Well apparently I don’t know any French either.  Though I do love me some fromage.

Gwen:  Matt has all the guide books and he’s been there like three times already.  I’m not worried about it.  I’m really just in it for the croissants and the shopping.

Me:  Well then all you need to know is “merde.”

Gwen:  What’s “merde” mean?

Me:  “How much is this?”  It’s the French version of “cuanto cuesta.”  When you’re shopping or at a croissant shop, just point at the thing you want and ask, “Pardonnez-moi, merde s’il vous plait?”  The French love it when you use their language.  You’ll get fantastic service.


  1. In Spain, Rocco couldn’t distinguish the difference between dos and doce. Every time he ordered drinks we ended up with 12 of them. So, you know, it wasn’t all bad.

    1. Now I just want to travel to France and try that bad boy out! Can you make it a person, like fucker? Is a tabernacer one who tabernacs? Am I seriously this excited about a new swear word? Oh hell…

  2. Thanks for the tips – I feel so much more prepared now. Except I might still need the french version of “Mein pimmel is un flamendorfer.” Except with the word for vagina.

  3. For serious. It’s like Jesus-Fuckshit which is one of my swearwords of choice along with Shitballs and Damnfuckit. Tabernac is something you exclaim but never in front of your mother or old ladies. The french will say cunt and shit and fuck in the elementary school assembly address, but start using tabernac and you are a bottom feeder.

    I live 10 minutes from Quebec, all french.

  4. That’s why I only travel to England. And Canada. But not the French part. Of Canada..not England. I don’t think there’s a French part of England. Except maybe France. But I think that’s more Europe than England. I suck at geography. And commenting, apparently.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Panning for Golden Showers =-.

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