May the Fourth Be With You

This was originally going to be a post for Sprocket Ink, but I chickened out.  Because I have no problem posting things that might be considered offensive here.  Also because I think the topic of Osama has been sufficiently covered over there.  So I posted this piece about how BJU encourages their female students to focus on their MRS degrees instead.

The moral of the story?  YOU get to read the deleted piece here instead.  Because I’m apparently incapable of writing more than two pieces in a single morning.  So it was this or a video of the ending of Empire Strikes Back with kazoos and faux dialogue dubbed over the original.  This seemed slightly less annoying.  You’re welcome.

In an exclusive interview with Osama Bin Laden’s college roommate, this reporter has learned that Bin Laden’s greatest love was the Star Wars series.  Preferring to remain anonymous, the roommate, who we shall refer to simply as John, provided great insight into Bin Laden’s mindset during those formative years.

“Sam’s side of the room was practically wall-papered with pictures of Yoda and Ewoks.  He said they made him feel tall and powerful – said he wanted to ‘crush’ them.  I was always like, ‘Sammy, dude, you’re like…six and half feet tall.  How much taller do you need to feel?’  But he’d just ignore me, flop on his bed, and stair up at the poster of Chewbacca he had hanging up there.   That dude loved him some Chewbacca.   He always claimed to identify more with Darth, but when no one else was around, he only had eyes for Chewie.”

When questioned about the timing of his former roommates death, John cast his eyes down, shook his head, and paused before speaking.  “I know he did some seriously bad stuff…I know that.  But I can’t help but wish it’d all happened just a few days later.  I wish he could have had just one more Star Wars Day, one more chance to slip into his furry Chewbacca costume and bellow at the stars from the roof of his compound.  That’s how I’ll always remember him – making guttural animal noises and covered in yak fur.


  1. Who could take offense to a true passion and greatest love? If only he had not buried his shame of loving Chewie in the Dark Side. Happy May the fourth!

  2. He didn’t live long enough to see Part 2 of Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows either. I wonder if they have Netflix in hell.

  3. see i’m not even a star wars geek, but i know it’s like national star wars day or some shit and i think this post is pretty damn clever. especially the title. why a chica like you ever chickens out is beyond me. you handle all subjects with aplomb. and isn’t aplomb da bomb? now get me a word nerd post, cuz those are among my favorites that you do.

  4. Also,
    I ran over to Sprocket Ink and left this comment so you never have to worry about being seen as inappropriate while I’m still alive…..

    When I read about this on Bugginword I thought BJU stood for Blow Job U. so I immediately ran over here to see where this university was because I thought that even though I had supposedly recieved the highest degree in this field I could use some brushing up.
    Silly me.
    You may feel free to kick me out of this respectable place now.

    1. I kinda wanted to make out with Dufmanno for that last comment.

      And I always want to make out with you, Ellie.

      And…wait. What was this post about?

  5. I may have nightmares from that picture.

    My niece’s birthday was yesterday. When I informed Sean it was also Star Wars Day he said it made perfect sense because he’s pretty sure she’s a Sith Lord. I love me some geeky humor.


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