Me: Are you drunk dialing me already? It’s only 9pm…
Thom: I was sharing Dad’s wisdom with the people at the wedding reception and decided to call you.
Me: Which particular pearl of knowledge are you sharing?
Thom: You know, the one about the cows.
Thom: Did I mention it’s an open bar? With shots? They’ve already had to send someone out to buy more liquor.
Me: Try not to get arrested.
Thom: Not likely.
Me: Well then…good luck getting laid?
Thom: Oh! Good idea! I’m practically roofied already!
Me: Technically, you’re supposed to give the roofie to the other party involved.
Thom: Fuck. There goes that plan.