Me:  Are you drunk dialing me already?  It’s only 9pm…

Thom:  I was sharing Dad’s wisdom with the people at the wedding reception and decided to call you.

Me:  Which particular pearl of knowledge are you sharing?

Thom:  You know, the one about the cows.

Me:  Lovely.

Thom:  Did I mention it’s an open bar?  With shots?  They’ve already had to send someone out to buy more liquor.

Me:  Try not to get arrested.

Thom:  Not likely.

Me:  Well then…good luck getting laid?

Thom:  Oh!  Good idea!  I’m practically roofied already!

Me:  Technically, you’re supposed to give the roofie to the other party involved.

Thom:  Fuck.  There goes that plan.