Lawsuit

I’ve never sued anyone before.  Let’s take the positive approach here.  You’re supposed to try one new thing every day, right?  Well today’s new activity will be suing a bank.  Hoo-frickin-ray.

You guessed it – all is going rather poorly in my quest to move to Maplewood.  Move…aw HELL…all is going poorly in my quest to make sure that I get to stay in my apartment if my neighbor defaults on his loan.

I’ll say it again; I can’t make this shit up.

Last week things were looking up a bit.  There was some speculation that perhaps the loan in question had been paid off years ago and the flag on our title was simply a clerical error.  There was much eye rolling and then jig dancing with that news.  Sure we’d been through a whole lot of stress for nothing, but at least an end was in sight, right?

Fuckers.

Not now, sports fans.  Now it turns out my neighbor’s loan is real and active…any MY apartment is the collateral.  All jig dancing has ceased.  I think I might now have a better appreciation for brown liquor.  I’m thinking about pouring a big glass of it right now to make sure.

Unfortunately, we are not getting a response from the mortgage company.  The situation is more complicated than it initially anticipated.  We’ll have to threaten a lawsuit to get its attention.  You’ll see some correspondence in that regard.  I’ll keep you posted.

Hugs and kisses, (ok he didn’t really say hugs and kisses but that would have been cute, right?)

Bob

Son of a BITCH!  I wish it wasn’t so damn funny.  I could get properly angry and raise some hell if I could stop snorting and rolling my eyes.

I’ll be giving Bob a ring later to see if I can get even a tidge of clarification.  I’ve got not idea how all this will work.  Am I going to have to break out a suit and start practicing an intimidating “I object!” for a court appearance?  Good thing Rocco can cry on cue.

Every lawyer, real estate agent, or banker that I’ve shared my tale with has the same knee jerk reaction.  “Liar!” they call me.  I wish.  Seriously.  I’m not sure even Tim Burton could weave a tale so dark and twisted.  Maybe if he and Dan Brown had a love child with John Grisham, the freakish offspring could somehow tie this many loose ends together.