I’m in Retrograde

So.  Hi.  Monday.  Awesome.


All day.

*double grumble*

I blame Mercury and her stinky insistence on going retrograde.  How hard core does that sound?  “I’m about to go retrograde on your ass, punk!”  Well, imagine AHHnold saying it and it sounds a little more bad ass, no?  Or Donald Rumsfeld!  *shudder*

Retrograde.  It might be the scariest word ever.  Well that and smegma.

Did you peg me for one of those astrology types?  Well I am.  Hook, line, and sinker.  In fact, at my last hardcore gig, I used to refuse to talk to my boss on the phone when Mercury was in retrograde.  But my boss was not the astrology type, so she’d still call me every twenty minutes.  To compensate, I’d type up an email to summarize each conversation in the hopes of minimizing miscommunications.  It made her batty.  Also it gave me carpal tunnel.  Also it never worked for long.

Because my computer would up and explode and the phone lines would crash.  Because that’s how that bitch Mercury rolls when she’s in retrograde.  She’s cruel and vindictive.

So between Mercury waging her war against my sanity, the second coming of the pee jugs today, the rain, and that all that real estate shit that happened last week that I’m still too mad to talk about BECA– USE IT’S STILL HAPPENING *breathes into paper bag* I might not be in the best of moods.  I might even have one up on that Mercury bitch.

So here’s a video of a cat and a dolphin playing together.  Because it seems on topic.  And that’s all I’ve got for you today.

Also?  *grumble*


  1. I am so stunned by this cat/dolphin video that I’m temporarily at a loss for words.

    Recovery period over.
    After reading numerous astrology websites I’ve become paralyzed with fear about making any important decisions until May 11th when all this retrograde stuff has safely passed.

  2. That makes sense. If dogs and cats living together is mass hysteria, dolphins and cats playing together has to be Mercury in Retrograde!

    PS: I totally had to look that up. Not the dolphins and cats part.

  3. I love this video. It makes me feel all warm and fluffy inside. Take that Mercury!!

    I’m completely confused about your pee jugs though. What the heck is that all about?

    You should probably just hibernate until May 11th though.


    1. Something about kidneys. I wasn’t really focusing when the doctor was talking because I HAD TO PEE SO BAD. The only thing I can figure is one of the chemo drugs I was on does wicked things to kidneys. They’re probably just being proactive. I’m sure they’ll tell me…when I can’t hear over all the pee in my ears.

  4. Mercury was in retrograde when I was born, and I turned out fine.

    (Stop snickering. Hey, I mean it!)

    I can come and say a few choice words to “the real estate thing” for you if you’d like.

    1. POPPY COCK!

      Oh I didn’t really mean that but the set up was too good. TWSS. Or something. I might be delirious. Also? I’d like to take some cold meds now, please.

  5. i feel like i’ve been in retrograde the last six months. i better get in forgrade pretty fucking soon. whatever any of that means. let’s just say mercurial is my middle name lately.

    smegma is pretty bad, but felching is my skeeve word.

    1. This? This is why I love you so much, Elly.

      Just home from the hospital (good times), feeling a bit rubbish, and I come here and what do i find?

      Cats playing with dolphins.

      It’s like you reached through the laptop monitor and stroked my soul.

      *a mental picture which was much more soothing and less terrifying in my head*

      – B x

    1. Tom you teach me so many things. I can’t wait to work “dry ejaculation” into a conversation later today. Oh my shrink will LOVE it!

  6. Smegma is disturbing but my friend Grant and I like to work it into conversations periodically just as a friendly competition. Try this. Especially on Mondays. It makes them so much better.

    1. I decided to click on a show called “Orca Killing School” last night. I’m never sleeping again. And I’m getting at least 7 more cats.

  7. What I am now wondering is if there is such a thing as retrograde smegma? Good lord that will now be stuck in my head all day long.

    Just cause you are having one of those days, weeks, I thought you could do with a little pampering. Given how often your lady bits will be on display in the coming months I thought it may be appropriate. Love you muff Elly Lou, love it.

    1. My muff likes its space. I try to respect it. And not swab it excessively. But DAMN there must be some people out there with some funky muffs!

  8. Because I had been living behind my washer dryer in a futile attempt to locate approximately 1000 missing socks and pieces of underwear, I was never aware of the whole Muercury in Retrograde thing. Then a friend told me about it maybe a year ago. I would rather watch a cat and dolphins play than think about it.

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