I’m thinking my next career should be in television. I have a brilliant idea for a new show. I dreamt about it last night. Are you ready for me to drop this brilliance on you?
Cooking with Steven Tyler.
Right? Am I right or what? I’m right, peeps. I’m sure of it.
Can’t you just picture our favorite dirty old man crawling seductively across a large marble island to smear whipped cream on guest Martha Stewart’s surprised face? Or how about this? After he butters up a cookie sheet while screeching a few bars of “Sweet Emotions,” he leans over to Rachel Ray, rubbing his fingers together and says something creepy like, “Even better than your EVOO, isn’t it baby?”
Seriously, would you not watch that shit?
Can you just imagine what Paula Deen would do to his skinny ass?
I’m slowly losing my mind, aren’t I? I think I’ll back away from the photo editing software and give Paula’s tongue a break.
No wait, just one more because that’s the kind of attention span I have today.
Don’t forget to enter to win your very own ukulele painted by your favorite Elly. And now there’s photographic evidence that he’s been licked by Paula. And that he’s 917 feet tall. Which is still apparently 5 inches shorter than John Larroquette.
Seriously. Someone take the keyboard away from me. Please.