I Need to Stop Drinking Mouthwash

Last night was another strange voyage of dreams.  Maybe I need to rethink my bedtime rituals.  Maybe I should try chamomile tea.  Maybe I need to walk away from my computer earlier in the evening instead of looking to Twitter for a lullaby.  Maybe I should just stop swallowing the mouthwash.

Regardless, after what felt like seventeen hours of trying to convince my dad not to keep live rats in his mouth during cross country road trips and watching cruise ships spew the black and white headshots from the cast of HAIR from their smoke stacks, I am again tired this morning.  Fortunately, Gwen performed an apology ballet on the hood of our station wagon as we barreled down some rural road lined with corn fields.  Her dance was quite moving (Get it?  On a moving vehicle?  Moving performance?  Sigh, somebody find me a pillow…).  I could tell the apology was sincere even though I was consistently distracted by Mom yelling at Dad as he stretched precariously out the car’s back window to feed the orange kangaroos that were chasing us.

The moral of the story?  Gwen and I are on speaking terms again.

I hope to celebrate our renewed bonds of friendship with a nap.  In the meantime, I leave you with a video that I simply can’t stop watching.  Can’t.  Stop.  Seriously, somebody help me stop.  I need an intervention.

Surprisingly, there are no vampires involved…or drag queens…or creepy old swingers from South Carolina.  There’s nothing even mildly inappropriate in here.  In fact, this might be the cleanest video I’ve ever posted.  Hell, I’m a little disappointed in me.

By the by, I know what I want to be when I grow up.   I want to be the person that makes weird noises with their mouth to accompany stop-motion music videos.   I practiced for hours last night while I was trying to fall asleep. I’m pretty darn good at it, if I do say so myself (making noises, not falling asleep).  Sometimes I even flail about to add more authenticity to the sounds.

I’m particularly adept at recreating squealing tires and explosions.   Ask Rocco if you don’t believe me.  I’d ask him myself but he’s not speaking to me.  He’s a little crabby from sleep deprivation.  Apparently he’s having trouble sleeping, too.  Maybe we have the thermostat set too high.  It’s so strange that we would BOTH have trouble sleeping.


  1. Yeah, that’s really weird…

    Wait, I’ve got it!!! When you wake up in the night, before getting a face full of elbow, dump cold water on him from a bucket to cool him off. If you’d prefer a sensual approach vs the college humor way, I’d suggest using a turkey baster to drip ice cold water all over his body. He’ll thank you in the morning after the most restful night of sleep in his life.

    TIP: Drip the water at a regular interval on his forehead. People love that, studies have shown.
    .-= KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..On the Job Training =-.

    1. 4:16pm – project water drip initiated. Attempted one drip with turkey baster but accidentally shot entire load into subject’s open mouth. Subject nearly drowned. Once recovered, subject was instantly pissy and yelling. When asked, subject reported no improvement in quality of sleep.

  2. ha! i saw this yesterday and couldnt stop grinning after i watched it (and facebooked it and booped it to 647 friends)- so awesome
    .-= fidget´s last blog ..3 !?! =-.

  3. I am currently making my “this is not the best use of a turkey baster vagina face”

    Also, some of us just aren’t meant to sleep, sweets, maybe you have become one of us.
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Thorny Thursday =-.

    1. Though your comment was most definitely the best use of a vagina face. Congratulations!! I will now think of you every single time I think of vagina faces.

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