I Don’t Know What This Is About, Either

So I sat down today with absolutely nothing to write about.  Then I stood up, went to the kitchen, and pulled an apple out of the kitchen drawer.  Then it hit me.  I should write about apple cores.

I know, right?  Just the phrase “apple cores” makes you twitch with agony and frustration, right?  I mean, the Hell!  They’re in every. single. apple.  Every one.  It’s a plague.  It’s a travesty.  It’s just wrong.


Remember how I made a bacon bouquet for Rocco on Valentine’s Day?  Well, rest assured I won’t be making him a bacon nativity scene for Christmas.  Unless I truly can’t think of anything else.  And I can figure out a better base than a giant pan of sauerkraut.

Is that the least appetizing word you’ve ever heard or what?  Sauerkraut.  Sauer.  Kraut.  I can’t imagine enjoying any kind of kraut, be it sauer or otherwise.  Kraut sounds like some sort of pain you’d still have after a really bad case of scabies or something.

Why yes, I did have trouble sleeping last night.  Why do you ask?

Did you know that if you start to type “What is Kraut?” in Google you get:

*waves apologetically at The Bloggess for blatantly copying her red arrows and google boxes*
So first, I feel safe in saying that the previously mentioned bacon nativity scene is not kosher.  Second, I hate it when math sneaks up on you, especially the Boltzawhatevs kind of math.  I mean just looking at that line makes my head hurt.  Then again my head hurt before I looked at that line but I’m pretty sure it hurts more now.

Head pain before searching for “what is k” ≤ Head pain after searching for “what is k”

And also?

Head pain before trying to figure out how to type weird math symbols ≤ Head pain after trying to figure out how to type weird math symbols

And square roots?  What the hell?  I think that’s what was wrong with the mean, talking trees in the Wizard of Oz.  You know the ones that pelted poor Dorothy with the apples?  Well I’d bet good money they had square roots.  I figure that’s the tree equivalent of Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  It’s no wonder those trees were so damn cranky.

Speaking of cranky…

What, why are you looking at me like that?

Fine.  *huffs off into a corner muttering mean things about jack-in-the-boxes*


  1. The Boltzmann constant is supposed to take care of the idea that, when you hit absolute zero, the universe doesn’t implode.

    The sad thing about the Boltzmann thing is that he was largely ridiculed for the idea to the point that he was ostracized from the scientific community. He then killed himself. After he was dead, someone looked at the paper more closely and was like “This guy was onto something!”

  2. You had me at bacon! LOL Fun post today. 🙂

    I love making candied bacon. That is awesome.

    Sauerkraut is disgusting! My cousin tried to mix it with applesauce to get out of eating it when he was little but he didn’t know my mom is a clean plate nazi. He had to eat it anyways. LMAO

    Anyways, I am off to make some candied bacon now! Thanks for the idea! 🙂

  3. apple cores…well, now that you mention it, this reminds me of the time (and by that, i mean last week) when my daughter caught me eating an apple down to the core and starting freaking out. Apparently, she had gotten the idea that apple cores are poisonous and will put you to sleep FOREVER. yeah, our therapy bills will be high.

  4. Since we’re getting all mathy and sciencey here, eating sauerkraut is dangerous and irresponsible because it promotes global warming by all the methane gas it causes. Fact.

  5. gleimous. that is a yucky word.
    Also, I’m eating an apple at this very second but I’ve not yet come to the core.
    I refuse to do any kind of math that doesn’t have me skipping down the lane with Stewart as the solution for X.

  6. no – eating loads of sauerkraut is not only patriotic it will reduce global warming: the copious amount of warm air expelled will allow you to turn down the thermostat therefore not only reducing our dependence on imported foreign oil but reducing the greenhouse gasses emitted by power plants. AND – you will stave off scurvy, therefore reducing your medical bills (and save the gas you would have burned driving to & from the doctor – AGAIN reducing our dependence on foreign oil and lowering greenhouse gasses.

  7. I know Huey Lewis and The News said it was ‘hip to be square’, but I’d think that’s true when it comes to roots. A square root has to be right up there with a dud root, all very robotic and dull. When you’re ripping off someones clothes a pocket protector is kind of a passion killer.

  8. I always know your blog is educational! The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation thanks you!

    ^ ^ ^ ^

    Those are NOT square root symbols. Those are my arched eyebrows when I see somebody’s saluting tits

  9. Sauerkraut actually tastes good – BUT ONLY ON STREET DOGS. AKA hotdogs you buy on the street that are probably made of zillions of pig intestines. But I don’t care. At least not while I’m eating them. Only after. When the regret hits.

  10. I always loves me a good random post that actually ties it back to the random thought that started it all. Snaps. (don’t you hate it when people say ‘snaps’ like they’re in a sorority or “I Married An Axe Murderer” with Mike Myers?) But still, snaps all the same.

  11. Sauerkraut is also delicious on brats, porkchops, and mashed potatoes.
    There is also some evidence that diets high in pickled cabbage (kimchi, specifically, but maybe kraut too) help protect against certain kinds of influenza.

    why, yes… Wisconsin IS the national leading producer of sauerkraut… why do you ask?

    Also, the boltzmann constant? it’s just k. don’t worry your pretty little head about it.

    1. It’s true. Sauerkraut is the food of the gods.
      Now I’m hungry for my grandma’s cooking. Being Polish is awesome. Except for the big noses and wide hips. And crippling alcoholism.

  12. The key to math is to know just enough about it to impress people, but not enough to discuss it in math-educated company. Because then your non-math friends think you are smart, and your math friends are thankful for the valuable pop culture information you provide.

  13. I’d like to stick to lurking, but factoids come out of me like a weird Tourette’s variation.

    Apple cores (& peels) can be used to make apple jelly. There. I said it.

    I even _did_ it about two months ago after I made a pie, because I figured that if I failed I’d really only lose sugar, trash & time. (Which are probably my long-lost middle names, but I digress.) And when it worked, I did it again, but with quinces. I’m saving the quince jelly for something. Like a successful sourdough rye bread on a Monday.


    Come back to the greater NYC area safely. xoxo

Comments are closed.