I Can’t Give Uke Anything But Love

Did you guys read that there’s going to be some sort of crazy uber fullmoon this weekend?  Have your video cameras ready.  Weird shit is going to happen.  I just know it.

Speaking of scary full moon stuff, DO NOT GO SEE RED RIDING HOOD.  I’ll  just go ahead and spoil the whole thing for you – nobody sparkles.  There.  I just gave you an extra two hours of life.  You are welcome.

Oh and if you need a little pick me up on this lovely Friday (that doesn’t involve copious amounts of alcohol *sigh*) you need to go visit cornify.com.  You too can create magnificent pieces of art just like this one.  (Thanks, Jess!)

Here’s your fast and dirty uke song for the week.  Actually it’s not dirty at all.  Nor is it fast.  I guess it’d be more accurate to call it short and sweet.  But if I had to pick between something fast and dirty or something short and sweet, I’d pick the first.  So I’m calling it fast and dirty anyway and you can’t stop me so BLEH.

Also?  I didn’t sleep last night.  Not that you could possibly tell…

Next week?  I have a very big surprise for you.  Well shit, here we go again.  The surprise isn’t physically big at all.  It’s definitely under two feet.  But my excitement over this two-foot-tops surprise?  Ginormous.

Look, if you like ukuleles…and/or paintings…oh just come back next Friday, ok?



  1. If I only had a dollar for every time I used that “I have a two foot surprise for you” line on a woman.


    1. Stop swinging your dick around Tom you’re going to knock out some poor unsuspecting virgin.
      You can’t give me clues like this about the two foot surprise because I’ll be a neurotic ball of guessing until then.
      A miniature pony? You adopted an elf? You fashioned a carriage out of two loaves of bread and roller skate wheels that is pulled by an army of mice on steroids? You managed to breed a genetically superior race of Sea Monkeys that can breathe air and they crawled from the tank and now rule Hoboken?
      I can’t wait that long!
      Oh , almost forgot to thank you for the uke!

        1. I’ll have you know that naked shower guy appears to fall far short of the two feet previously mentioned.

          1. you need lubrication honey.

            OK, maybe we should just get a room, or our own URL and spare these poor unsuspecting readers.

  2. holy tiger jizz – what is paula deen licking off of charlie sheen’s belly?

    you’re lucky you gave me that adorable uke session, because i’m DYING to know what this surprise is. actually i have an idea but it’s much less imaginative than dufmanno’s ideas and probably spot on so i can’t write it here out of fear that i’ll spill it before you do. damnit elly!

    1. You totally spewed your comment all over my face just as I spewed mine all over your face. I think we owe each other a drink now. I suppose I’ll have chocolate milk. *sigh*

  3. Am in London visiting daughter and her first spawn. You could have a field day with the TV here. It’s either a dog or you are totally defying the rules of gestation. Or it’s a belated Grammy.

  4. Wow. When I miss your blog posts for a couple of days I come back and get really confused. So somehow Charlie Sheen is winning (duh) because some old chick is licking unicorn jizz off his tummy? And you’re giving it to all of us fast and dirty? And Tom’s penis is well…wow?!

    Now that my mind is spinning can I just say that I really liked Red Riding Hood? Sorry. But I did. Even though I knew who the wolf was about half way into the movie and all I could think about was how they never changed clothes and must have smelled really bad (even the ones who weren’t wolves) and how if I had to have sex in hay I’d have an asthma attack and die.


  5. i always go to the movies expecting people to sparkle, and leave disappointed every freakin’ time. then again, Catherine Hardwick somehow makes people *coughrpattzcough* look more sweaty and less sparkly, so maybe it’s for the best that no one “sparkled” in Red Riding Hood. oh, and I saw The Roommate the other day, and no one sparkled in that either. total let down.

    ps…you and Isabella are a match made in heaven. so cute.

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