How to Succeed…in Drag

Rocco and I have spent the last twelve hours fighting over whether or not I’m the same height as John Larroquette.  I say he’s not that much taller than I am.  Rocco says he’s five inches shorter than Larroquette.  I say that’s not that much taller than I am, especially in heels.  Rocco says Larroquette doesn’t usually wear heels.

Last night was opening night for the show Rocco is working on, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.  In case you didn’t make the mental leap on your own, John Larroquette is in the cast.  So is Daniel Radcliffe.  I’m DEFINITELY at least as tall as Danielle Radcliffe.  So there.

Obviously I can’t really write an impartial review on Rocco’s show.  If it sucked, I damn sure wouldn’t tell you that.  And if I told you it rocked my control-top, silken mist pantyhose right off, you wouldn’t believe me anyway.  You can read the review from the Times here if you’re so inclined.

But can I just tell you what else I saw this weekend?  Try and stop me.  I triple dog dare you.  Because holy ball gags, Batman, I can’t stop talking about Priscilla Queen of the Desert.

The costumes!  The cast!  The songs!  The staging!  I felt like a Charlie Sheen in a Tiger Blood factory!

The naysayers say there’s no real plot, that there isn’t enough substance.  I say all the sequins, corsets, and wigs more than make up for the lack of plot.  And besides, how many Broadway musicals can you name with with complex story lines?  You have to know your medium boys…and girls…and girls that were once boys.

Every time a drop lifted, I was dumbfounded as new, unfathomable set pieces were revealed.  Giant shoes, Eiffel towers, full scale tour buses…I honestly couldn’t tell you how they possibly fit all those pieces in the wings of the theater.  It was one of those true, wonder-of-theater kind of nights for me.  I clapped and squealed and cried…and felt like a kid who’d seen a magic trick for the very first time.

I don’t know if you can tell, but I REALLY liked the show.

To be fair, I think a big part of my enjoyment of the show had nothing to do with the production itself.  To my right, sat a heavy, older blond woman from the Midwest somewhere.  Directly in front of us sat a cute, young gay couple.  And honestly, I’m not sure who enjoyed it more.  Her leg bounced on beat to every disco song they sang.  One of the gay guys became very emotional when the lead character was reunited with his son.  As he reached up to wipe the tears from under his glasses, his partner put his arm around him and they shared a brief, tender embrace.  We all leapt from our seats for the final curtain call.

Afterward, I squealed to my girlfriend, “Was that the most fun you’ve ever had at a Broadway show or what?”

One of the guys in front of us spun around and squealed right back, “I know, right?!?”

Go see Priscilla.  And I think you should go see How to Succeed, too, if only because I like to eat and sleep indoors.

Oh and don’t forget to help find this ukulele a good home…


  1. Wow. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I’d been to NYC – I saw Mathew Broderic in “How to Succeed…” I guess the last time? the show was produced? Surely I’ve been there more recently? Lets see – Nathan Lane in “A Funny Thing Happened….” Gawd. “Bring in ‘Da Noise, Bring in ‘Da Funk” with Savion Glover. Dayum. So, it really has been that long. And I really am that old. Dammit. Thanks for making me feel like Methuselah. There goes what’s left of Monday.

  2. “I felt like a Charlie Sheen in a Tiger Blood factory!”

    Now that’s the kind of book I need in my library. Charlie Sheen and the Tiger Blood Factory. Roald Dahl needs to get on it.

  3. Hopefully it isn’t punishable by death, but I’ve never even seen the movie version of PQOTD! And it sounds exactly like something I’d love!

    What the hell, me?!

  4. I love the movie Priscilla. Love it. It comes from a time in my life when I was apparently every gay man’s favorite hag and was a regular at the gay bar. I miss those crazy days. I still watch Priscilla whenever I’m home feeling blue — I’m not sure why, but men wearing more make-up than me always makes me feel better.

  5. Goddamn I miss all that amazing theater…

    I loved the Priscilla movie. And anyone who wants a deep plot attached to a Broadway musical has obviously never talked to a Broadway producer. They’re allergic to deep plots. They cannot allow them.

  6. Every time I read your blog I’m convinced that the week we’ve planned in NYC this May just won’t be enough time to do everything I want!

  7. All good things come from the land down under. Plus this kinda goes part way in making up for our subjecting you to Nicole Kidman in the re-make of ‘Bewitched’.

      1. I know, I know (shakes head in shame). But those of us who actually live here like to live in denial that “Australia” was ever made. If we don’t believe, it doesn’t exist and the evil (her botoxed forehead of doom)has no power.

        1. Plus we also gave you “Muriel’s Wedding” and “The Castle”, though I did here with the later they had to put subtitles in the US. God, we’re exotic!

  8. If I lived in NY, I’d definitely need to succeed in business without trying. Wait, I need that now, out here in LaLa land. And Bette Midler produced Priscilla (not literally)? Fucking love Bette Midler.

  9. Can we please please please have a road trip? A group outing? Just picture us taking over a section?! I love that movie. ADORE IT. But srly it was not turned into a musical until more than 10 years afterwards?! And the U.S. is only getting it staged now? *sigh*

    1. Good things take time. Do you know how long it takes to make a thin mint? Me either. But a long time. Probably. Especially if you’re waiting for me to figure out how to make em.

      1. Especially if they’re made with real Girl Scouts… they aren’t a quickly renewable resource, ya know.

  10. I read your comment to someone as your having three brain terminals instead of three train terminals. And why is it when I get a notice of your newest post and I click on it immediately, there are always at least 28 comments already on it? Do people stalk you? Are they all sitting in your house watching you type? Is there a secret pre-notification thing going on?

  11. And I thought I was cool with an original ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’ print on my office wall . . . I bow to you. I think this may be a sign I’m winning the uke with my ONE entry.

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