Gwen: Where did Matt go?
Me: He’s tasting the olives.
Gwen: SonofaBITCH! I want to taste olives, too. And I need help carrying these damn heavy squashes. Matt! Matt!! I need you to help me carry this, and I want olives too! Seriously!
[Matt saunters over happily chewing and smiling. I pretend to be entranced by potatoes as several tense moments pass.]
Gwen: Did you bring the bags, Baby?
Matt: Of course I did!
Gwen: You’re my hero.
Me: Christ, you went from a total and complete jackass to a hero in under nine seconds. I’ve got whiplash.
Matt: Welcome to my world…spin the wheel.