Holy Broadway, Batman – I am pooped. Last night was a combo thingy of a bachelorette shindig for Bridezilla and my favorite glittery charity event – Broadway Bares. Did I mention the show started at midnight? Yeah, I’m way too old for this shit. That’s why I’m currently looking an awful lot like today’s Craftastrophe.
In hindsight, perhaps bringing two water bottles filled with cosmos to help pass the time waiting in line was a tidge excessive. But really, a gal’s gotta have something to wash down the cock cupcakes, right?
Hold please while I take a moment to suppress my gag reflex…
Hey! Speaking of hangovers, I saw that guy from The Hangover deliver a brilliant performance alongside Tony Shalhoub and Anthony LaPaglia in Lend Me a Tenor on Saturday night. It was a good thing I was already wearing a pad, because those boys were masters of physical comedy. I haven’t laughed that hard on Broadway in quite some time. (Well, I laughed pretty hard at Enron but that was for completely different reasons.)
I also saw Rock of Ages this weekend. Mmmhmm. I sure did. I watched the whole thing. And that’s about all I have to say about that.
I’m too crusty to be witty today, so feel free to read about my very first Broadway Bares experience here. Really though, what’s not to love about a charity event featuring naked beautiful Broadway dancers covered in glitter and sequins?
Say, maybe I should talk to my boss about working more glitter and sequins into our research presentation. Nah, I’m still recovering from that kiddie pool of glitter incident.
If you’d like to support Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids, you can organize your own strip show! I know a whole lot of you ladies have a hard time staying off the pole anyway. Why not use your powers for good?
Now I need to find myself a fountain soda, a slice of cheese pizza, and a disco nap before I get my shit together for another week of travel. Next stop – Atlanta. Won’t it be fun to see what other animals can crap on me while I have a limited supply of clothing?
cock cupcake is right up there with twat waffle. pass the cosmos.
thank god mitzi is chained up. that she-beast scares the living bewitched out of me. where i subwow’s boobs when i need a mental image eraser?
I’m just so jealous that you have the time to see all these fun shows! Lame comment, I know… Just attempting to live vicariously… Again.
I can’t just waste the tickets! That’s worse than spilling wine!
At least there was glitter and cosmos, that takes the edge off everything. After giving and sitting through numerous boring as batshit presentations over the years I do think the inclusion of at least sequins and maybe a feather boa, would make the whole experience more bearable for all involved. But I’d probably hold off on the todger and schmew cupcakes.
I bedazzled my panties for tomorrow’s breakfast, just in case. I knew I could count on you for guidance!
The booze in the bottle trick while waiting in line is such a great old standby. Never to be neglected.
I always have a “to go” cup on me. It’s a moral imperative.
I am good with the cock cupcake, so long as it does not have that crusty sugar icing. More like cream cheese icing is better. I meant to tell you last week that my grandma told me if a bird shits on you, it is good luck. Just think about it!! Have fun in Atlanta, I hear birds are really big in Atlanta.
So far I’m still clean…ish. I just have an intense craving for cream cheese, damnit.
You’re heading off to be shat upon by a dirty bird? How exciting. The rappers of Hot’Lanta will love them some vagina talk with Elly, I just know it!!! Call if you need me, I am only……..yeah, 5 hours away by car, 4 the way I drive. 😉
So close, and yet so vagina…
I hear ya, sister. I went to the zoo on Friday, Home Depot on Saturday, and had a playdate on Sunday. We have parallel lives.
They have glitter at the zoo. I’m SURE of it.
Penis shaped cupcakes.
The last time I had those I was sitting against a wall in a hotel hallway in Charleston, legs stuck straight out, penis confetti stuck all over my face and double fisting two of the most delicious cock cakes ever. Sigh. Bachelorette parties.
The front desk lady was not amused.
I have another Bachelorette weekend in Charleston this coming August. Apparently they’ve made an appointment for us all to take pole dancing lessons. “It’s all the rage”. I do not forsee this ending well.
Sweet! Feed me ideas for ways to further humiliate the bride. So far she’s managed to stay rather dignified and that’s just not how I role.
I am with Ry. So Ry, don’t feel bad. Me too! Strip-a-Thon? I am going to the bank to get 1 dollar bills now!
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