Funky Fragrance

Candy Cosmetics
Candy Cosmetics

How is this possibly a good idea?

While returning items to my favorite Sears in the Newport Pavonia Mall, I came across these little jewels.  Yes folks, Sears – my top pick for all my cosmetic and toiletry needs.  Really, who doesn’t want to smell like a Jolly Rancher?  Even better, a blueberry muffin flavored Jelly Belly.  Do Necco Sweethearts even smell like anything?

Horrified, I described my new discovery to a friend.  “Blame it on the tweens,” she said.  “Aren’t they the ones always trying to eat and lick everything?”  I looked at her dumbfounded and tried not to break into middle-school-esque giggles.  “I mean, don’t look into it or anything – I’m just saying.”

I think she’s on to something though…they DO seem to want to eat and lick everything.  Then again, Thom is thirty and seems to still be in that phase.  My cat may also be a tween.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, I did a search on these eau de movies snacks and there’s more!  Reese’s Cups, Junior Mints, and…Play-Doh?  What’s next, a cologne that captures the sweet scent of permanent marker?  Perhaps the Williams sisters can hawk a new line of fragrances – just opened can of tennis balls, re-strung racket, slightly used grip.  Blech.

You know what might do well here in Jersey?  You can’t pump your own gas.  (Though I still jump out of the car and get the door popped, cap loose, and nozzle in before I remember that law.  As a general rule, the attendants are not amused.  I digress.)  Never touching the pump, you never get that oddly pleasant gasoline odor on  your hands.  I mean admit it, you sniff your hands when you get back in the car…and you like it.  I don’t know that I’d actually want to douse my body in the scent (though it’s probably slightly less flammable), but I could at least see the allure.  If I crossed my eyes.

Then again, I don’t think gasoline inspires licking or eating so clearly I’m missing our target demographic.  Not that Play-Doh inspires either of those things for me.  Perhaps I’m not thirteen after all.  I think I’ll watch Twilight again just to make sure…