Friday I’m in Uke (a.k.a. the one where you can win a hand painted ukulele, baby.)

So my surprise?  Is actually only 18 inches.  But each one of those 18 inches is exquisite, dammit.

If you don’t have the patience to watch the video, I’ll sum it up for you:  Today is my blogiversary and I’m giving away a hand painted (by me) ukulele to one of you lucky bitches.

But you have to promise to love him, and pet him, and call him…something.  If you want to name him George, that’s cool.  But you could name him Archibald, too.  Or Lester…and you could call him Mo for short.  I’m having a hard time NOT naming him myself, but I think that right should go to his new owner.

Once I pick one.

Which I will do next Friday with one of those random generator thingamawhatzits.

You’re practically foaming at the mouth in anticipation of winning this bad boy, aren’t you?  Enter as many times as you’d like, kids.  You can comment here, or on youtube, or you can tweet it, or you can facebook it, or you could blog about it…each one will count as an entry.  And if you’re technologically terrified and don’t want to comment, or tweet, or facebook, or whatever else, you can send me an email with pictures of miniature ponies wearing sneakers instead.

You have until next Friday, April 1st (purely accidental date selection kids – I’m really, truly giving away the uke) to enter.

Also, because I’m scared of government red tape, I’m limiting entries to Canada and the US.  Custom forms frighten me.  I’m sorry.

Happy booze time!


  1. and I will name him O.J., and I will hug him and squeeze him and call him my own. Then I will remove all the knives from the house.

  2. Well, if I can’t win him, can I at least rub him a little for good luck? No? Ok, no. Um, he’s very beautiful and I hope he finds a good home.

  3. it’s 18 inches of citrus love. i love orange so i’m going to name him “OrangeYouGladUkelele.”

    then again he’s kind of androgenous looking so i think i may name him “Pat” which is short for patty punker or patrick shawn michael o’grady.

    but if i learn he’s spanish like ithabella, i’m going to name him “Greco.” (pronounced gray-(rolling R)co.

    1. Orange you the cutest thing ever? I really tried not to decide much about him because I’m hoping the person that wins will write up a bio for him. I don’t want to lead the witness.

  4. OH! OH OH! Hamish needs a friend! 🙂

    To be honest you still need to do customs forms for Canada too. But they’re not hard, honest! I’m so going to publicize your fine competition. And I’m so going to win. In my head.

    OOOH excitement. I’m calling him, “MACINTOSH” because, well…Hamish is a Scottish name so it follows that he should also have one. No? Or maybe he could be called “Charlie Sheen” after TV legend and bitchin’ rock star from Mars Charlie Sheen?

  5. Are you kidding me? Mother fuckin blues time with that bad boy! I play the geetar, but have never tried a uke… looks like I will have to take it up when I win… er, or something. Cheers!

  6. Did you know when you shot this that Mildred was taking a bath in the background?

    I never knew she was such an exhibitionist. Has she been hanging around with Dufmanno’s Naked Shower Guy?

  7. Mo is a beautiful uke! And my guitar-playing son has been wishing for a uke for a while now. He also wants to learn the steel drums. I think he’s destined to live on an island somewhere warm. You don’t want to break an 8-year-old’s heart, do you? Hmmmm?

  8. Squeeeeee! So beautiful! My best friend plays the uke and if I win, I’ll give it to her for her birthday! She would just die! She had one that belonged to her grandfather and it was stolen.

    And she’d give it an awesome name. She’s good at stuff like that.

    Off to tweet about it….

  9. Okay, this pregnancy has really taken your craftiness to the next level. That is the cutest ukulele I have ever seen. IF the prize became mine, it would be a battle of the wills at our house, with all of us fighting over who got to play it. Hayden would probably win.

  10. You know, I was just thinking to myself the other day… I thought, “Self, do you know what you need? A hand-painted 18-inch ukulele.” And then you posted THIS?! Coincidence? I think not. Sir Ian McKellan (the uke’s new name, Mo for short, of course) is destined to be mine.

  11. When you said your surprise was only 18 inches, here was the order my brain went guessing: the parasite, your husband’s penis, oh… wait a minute… right. The uke. If either of the first two were the case, I would have to send the paramedics. Stat.

  12. are you sure it’s a he?
    anyway, i’ll be commenting every day. and i definitely need to win because aaron said i don’t need a uke because i have string bass. what does he know? i’m so misunderstood.

  13. He’s gorg. I want him, but this is not a safe house to send him to. We’d name him something like Felix. He’d end up in splinters. No one wants to see happiness splintered.

  14. AND you know damned well he’d have a happy home here with all of my other guitars, Tom, Miju, Daisy, BB, Taki, Joe, Rosie and Pete. And loved and taken for walks, and socialized.. And a special place on my wall…….

    I don’t HAVE a ukulele. 🙁

  15. I couldn’t help but notice that your cat was straight chillin’ in the background…
    Much the same as the Ukelele will soon be straight chillin’ at my house. I shall use him to make Uke covers of rap music. Because I also am straight chillin’


  16. Ok. I tweeted and facebooked the fuck out of it. Not really… I just did it on both sites once. But that’s cool, yo.

    I want it to be mine so we can add it to our awesome twin-clown strip tease!

  17. Oooo! Orange and handpainted by the EL. Kind of looks like boobs.

    I already have a perfectly lovely as-yet unnamed ukulele, so this is not an entry. Just a “Yay!”

  18. And her name shall be Peaches. But it won’t matter because my 16 year old daughter will rename her when I regift it on her birthday. And I shall forever more be the coolest Dad my daughter ever had. Thank you so much for giving me this chance!

    1. Don’t let him guilt you with his “trying to get his daughter a free gift on the internet” shtick. I know his daughter. He’ll get her one anyway. MWAHAHAHAHA

      So you might as well fork over those entries this-a-way.

  19. Happy Blogoversary!!! You did such an amazing job painting it. Since there is not a single musical bone inside me, I am actually coveting a PAINTING on CANVAS! Or body painting will do too. Am leaving the comment just to tell you I love and miss you.

    p.s. When I saw the comments on Facebook I thought you found out you’re having a baby boy! LOL. I guess a uke is probably a lot easier to handle.

  20. The name? Oh we know but we aren’t telling anyone.

    Sadly, the precious Uke would find itself smashed to bits by someone too young to understand that those guitarists on TV have multiple recording contracts, and may therefore destroy instruments for the entertainment value. I do have a hidden time capsule where it may find peace for the next 18-20….

  21. I shall now cry my little Aussie tears of despair. But I shall pull my shit together as I do have the heavenly Kenneth Kazoo who travels everywhere with me in my handbag and makes medical professionals think about writing me a psych referral when I pull him out in an appointment. Kenneth is a bringer of joy so I’m sure Lucretia will bring someone great happiness too. (Yes I named her I just can’t help myself, I name everything, it’s a sickness really).


    i PROMISE to actually youtube myself playing the orange-ukulele-of-wonderment if i win! *pinky swear*

    *gets down on knees to pray*
    dear ukulele Gods,
    please help me win that foxy uke!
    with love, kg

    1. okay i commented, i tweeted and i commented on youtube. i want this so bad i can taste it…and it tastes like victory. and oranges.

  23. Being married to a musician, I’d be all kinds of crazy if I didn’t try to win that gorgeous instrument!!!!!!!!

  24. If there was a color for angry, that is the mo freakin’ color I would be right now! I left a comment right after you posted today, from my phone, at work, because I had been doing the Surprise Countdown, and I was right beneath Tom and Dufmanno *wocka wocka wocka* Then…..#BOOM I’m not there!!! So, who is the shady lady who is already cheating to take away my entries?? Hmmm? Hmmm? *looks left and right* Honestly, I don’t know why you are bothering, it is clear that Princess Ukgenia will be mine……she will live in a glitter encrusted case, with a pillow soft lining of cashmere. She will be displayed for visitors who come from miles around and I will play beautiful songs of heartbreak……the first will be Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone….which will be on my blog. There, I’m committed. Of course, if I don’t win…..the world misses this.

  25. Also, uke song requests for:

    Johnny Cash (Get Rhythm. When You Get the Blues)

    Harry Belafonte (I don’t care which, but Angelina, Angelina [please bring down your concertina] works)

    Barenaked Ladies (Yoko Ono)

    That is all.

  26. He (or she?) is just gorgeous! And I want him (her)! I just started learning ukulele and my eyes have already been roving, so winning him would be just perfect! 🙂

  27. I love you Ukey Pookie. I first wrote that as pukey and thought that sounded to much like puking which is definately not what I mean to say.

    I can’t play a lick, but I can lick a player.

    I a making no sense. But will now go tweet about this becaue I want it too. Just so I can be that much closer to you.

    I know…C R E E P Y

  28. I like how you have to reassure us its a real ukulele.
    Also, his name is Sue. Obviously.
    And if, by some crazy impossible chance, I don’t win? That’s a heck of a paint job! Too cute!

  29. He is SO much more handsome than my $5.00 plastic uke with the broken strings. I need him to be my tambourine’s baby daddy. Thanks in advance.

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