Flavor Flav Doesn’t Have Bunny Ears (Probably)

Halloween in Manhattan is always confusing and frightening for me.  I mean, you never really know who’s in costume, right?  How can you tell the real Naked Cowboy from Halloween Naked Cowboy?  Is that your normal everyday wall street broker dressed up as a Lindsay Lohan or is that a real tranny hooker?  Oh hey, look over there!  Is that a real cop?  More importantly, is that a real gun?

Rocco and I popped into a bar to hide from the cold while we waited for the theater to open.  As we climbed onto our stools, Rocco tipped his head forward and said quietly, “Look Honey, that waiter is dressed like the guy from Public Enemy?”

“You mean Flavor Flav?” I asked without looking.

“Yeah!  That guy!”  He gets so excited when I can figure out what the hell he’s talking about.  It doesn’t happen often.

I turned to scour the room.  “Where?”

“Here he comes!” he hissed in a whisper.

I watched a man in a top hat and suit vest walk by.  “That guy?” I nodded in his direction.

“Yup!  Wait until he turns around.”

“Dude.  Flavor Flav doesn’t have bunny ears.  He’s the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland.”

“Oh.  That makes much more sense.”

Though how awesome would that be?  Instead of Kanye replacing his bottom teeth with a diamond grill, he should knock out his two front teeth and replace them with giant buck tooth bunny grills.  That would be awfully fun for me.  Somebody tell Eminem to get on that, ok?

This post is unwieldy already.  You know what?  I’ll wait and tell you about the Scottsboro Boys tomorrow.  Today I’ll just distract you with the random other messes I’ve been leaving around the internet.  Today’s Craftastrophe is an homage to Mildred (formerly known as cone-kitty)  because she would have looked even more ridiculous in this collar.  Speaking of other sites where I’ve been slutting it up, swing by Studio 30 and see all the probing (heh) questions the stunning Vapid asked me for their weekly “Questions for a Blogger” feature.

Also (and this is strictly a hypothetical question and in no way related to my lack of balance or the delicateness of a tiny kitty so nobody call PETA, damnit), how can you tell if a cat’s foot is broken?


  1. They aren’t walking on it, they are sitting around for days in a dark place being grumpy, and after you shell out a lot of money for an xray, the vet tells you so.

  2. It may be bruised, not broken, but only your vet can know.

    seems to me, lack of giant clock would be enough to establish his non-bona-fides, bunny ears or no.

      1. well, damn. you didn’t say there was a clock. hmph.

        seems to me, flava has worn much wierder stuff than bunny ears, so it could have been.

        Or maybe he was Kevin, the lost bunny of the apocalypse.

  3. Awww, I just wasted 10 minutes of my life that I could have used masturbating, instead I read your interview over at 30 plus blog which I don’t qualify because I am over 40 which means I have to find a blog that is over 40 but really 40 is the new 30 so yeah! I just lurv you. You had me a bug.

  4. Excellent questions Vapid! Love the interview! Well, except for the “Though some say he’s engaged” part. Oh ye of little faith! You are one your way to earing a three-tiered butt bow!

    An If-Flavor-Flav-was-the-Easter-Bunny Grill. Someone must make this!

  5. flavor flav!!! the dude who cleans the windows on my office skyscraper wears that sweatshirt.

    ok i’m of to read the interview. this should be a good combo, vapid asking and the bug answering!

  6. 6 comments from people that aren’t you, within the first hour of posting? You, my dear, are bigger than Flava Flav. I mean that. He’s very short and I understand that your height respectable. 🙂

    So… How much money does your cat owe you? Don’t think we didn’t read between the lines. I understand. You gotta make a point sometimes to get your money.

  7. I loved Halloween in NYC, the only issue I had was telling the straight men from the gay men on that night, because for whatever reason, there’s always a LOT of straight dudes that go for the eyeliner and lipstick …

  8. that interview was so hilarious it makes me wanna whip my hair back and forth. i whip my hair back and forth. i whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)

  9. A trained ear can tell if a cat’s paw is broken by listening to the sounds it makes in the litter box, sort of like how cardiologists can hear a heart murmur. The sound is kind of a sc-scratch, sc-scratch, sc-scratch. Another test. Line up a series of small statuettes or keepsakes on your bookshelf. A cat capable of precisely knocking over only the expensive ones is in perfect health.

    1. She just ate the piece I wrote for my writer’s group. That’s a good sign, right?

      Also, my most expensive statuette is the tiny plastic giraffe Wicked painted with gold leaf for my birthday. Fortunately, it isn’t fragile.

  10. Big clock? Waiting tables? Are you sure it wasn’t Flava Flav? Viking horns could start to resemble bunny ears after enough glasses of wine.

  11. Everytime some one hear say’s big clock I read something entirely different.

    And Virginia? I’m over 40 but they didn’t stop me from joining, you just need to be over 30 and I can’t BELIEVE you stopped stirring the pudding to read that, it will be up all week!!!!

    Also my beloved Patty Punker you Whip it good!

  12. Is it possible to book your brain for a week over the Summer holidays? I do think it would be a fun and slightly scary place to spend some R and R, minus the Turducken though,(oh and the human centipede, thanks for that image by the way. I could have gone through my whole life without seeing that). It would definitely shit on a week at a caravan park with the two devil spawn and the other half.

      1. Jeff is still hanging around but is booked in for some S&M, minus a safe word, on the 12th Nov. I’m pretty sure the paper work says I have to provide my own ball gag but they provide the latex. I’m also pretty sure I have had too many tylenol with my savignon blanc.

  13. I think Eminem should then take Kanye’s bunny teeth away and try to give them to Beyonce while the audience boos.

  14. I can see how Halloween in NYC would be confusing. It’s sort of like how here in RI, everyone is suddenly “dressing” like Snooki. Or not. See? I can’t really tell. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Is the kitty wearing a cast? That’s how I can tell. When I notice, I mean. And then I ask if I can write on the cast. I write in really tiny letters. Hypothetically.

  15. 1. When your mom all of sudden is drunk all day every day, don’t be surprised, ’cause we are all shipping wine to her right now. PICK ME PICK ME!

    2. I thought we have a commune going on so you and Vapid better not think that the two of you ALONE can elope.

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