Easily Distracted

I’m finding the whole space/time continuum thing really tricky today.  Entire hours are disappearing right before my eyes and somehow I’m not accomplishing anything!  *pauses to alphabetize “They Might Be Giants” CD’s on desk – tries to break world record for amount of time faux tap-dancing while seated – answers call from realtor trying to schedule an appointment for potential buyers*

I mean, there is SO much I need to do today.  *takes a quick pee break and accidentally reads this week’s ‘Fashion Police’ section of US Weekly…again – may or may not have also paused to pop a ginormous chin zit which shot all over mirror – remembers realtors coming by this afternoon – washes mirror – then bathroom floor – then all the little groves on the back of the bathroom door – looks at watch – panics*

All this real estate stuff is really time intensive and stressful. *checks text messages, hops on Twitter to make sure John Cusack isn’t making an ass out of himself – he totally is – damn – updates status to acknowledge growing frustration with always having the house ready for realtors – then panics*

Fortunately the work stuff has really slowed down significantly.  *watches as yet another person on is pulled out from the CVS across the street on a stretcher while a small puggle barks surprisingly loud – writes a quick post-it to remind Jon to make an appointment with his doctor – remembers Aloysius is only thirteen days away – looks at pile of wine bottles to be taken down for recycling – panics*

So in theory, I should have plenty of time to deal with all the other items on my ever growing “to do” list.  *proceeds to jump up and sing “Do do do do – dah, dah, dah, dah” while practicing Sting pouty impersonation – no panicking – hallowed be The Police*

Yet I can’t seem to mark anything off that damn list.  *checks email – watches a video of kittens on a slide no less than fifteen times while giggling – then watches a turtle on a slide twice – looks around apartment for possible sites of slide installation – remembers a realtor will be here in half an hour – sighs*

I had so hoped to work on a painting this afternoon, but I just don’t think I’ll have time.  *waits patiently for Lucy to stop rubbing her ass on the mouse pad and purring maniacally – checks status of music import to iTunes – searches for the perfect cat-ass-rubbing song – burns another disc – marvels at how heavy jewel cases were in the 90’s – scratches cat’s ass – scratches own ass – looks at clock – panics*

See?  I’ve been diligently sitting here waiting for inspiration to strike all morning, yet I have no post to show for it!  *chews at hangnail – looks at nails in horror – returns to bathroom on a quest for a nail file – instead plucks eyebrows for fifteen minutes then alphabetizes cold meds in the medicine cabinet – wipes down sink since now covered in eyebrow hairs – then wipes down bathroom floor again – and the back of the bathroom door again – then more panicking*

So really, I’ve got nothing for you today, Interwebz.  *suddenly realizes hasn’t showered since Monday – then wonders if actually remembered to shower on Monday – pulls out calendar – notices it’s a cousin’s birthday – hops on Facebook to wish happy birthday to cousin – four hours instantly lost*

Cue the brick wall for me to bang my head against.  *publishes without checking for spelling or grammar errors – frantically pulls on a pair of jeans while scanning floor for any surprise piles of cat puke – runs out of house un-showered and frazzled…yet again*

See?  You can write better than this.  If you do, I’ll make you your very own piece o’ Elly art.  Only two more days to go, Interwebz!  Giddyup.


  1. Sounds a bit like me today too. I’m just blaming it on the rain. I’m always surprised when I find someone else who likes TMBG. We used to go to their concert every year, but they stopped coming around here.
    .-= Aunt Juicebox´s last blog ..Random Realz V =-.

  2. Bug,

    Welcome to my world. Except replace all with panic and stomach aches. *BARF* – Feeling much better. Oh my god, I gotta read the post above me -that is how distracted I am.

    Freakin’ love Sting.


  3. I am work reading blogs and pretending to be super efficient in my office which really means…what can I tweet next?

    I could spend all day being this productive, in fact I have. I have been up since 4:30 am which means it is my bed time.

    Also means I don’t spell check anything at this point, because it all looks like mumbo jumbo to me.
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Monday Is A Stupid Little Whore =-.

    1. I blame chemo. At the very least I should get an excuse for being a space cadet out of cancer, right? Hey that thing on the floor is shiny!

      1. Though if you were actually doing blow, you wouldn’t be alphabetizing your TMBG Cds, you’d be dancing around to them in your underwear, pretending your cat was on Tiny Toons.

        I mean, hypothetically, that’s what I imagine one might do.
        .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..The Oracle of Madison High =-.

  4. I took a stab at productivity on Twitter and ended up realizing that I was just blathering on without looking to see what everyone else was saying. Come to think of it, that is exactly how I fight with my husband….
    Anyway, you are still feeling the after effects of that massive rip we put in the fabric of time and space.
    There is a reason you’ve been humming De do do do, De Da da da – You had to listen to that blowhard Sting in 1980 talk about his lyrics ad nauseam while I wrestled those tube socks off of Stewart.
    Give yourself a day or two and you will start to recover the lost hours.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Hanging It Up =-.

  5. The fact someone else, let alone YOU, alphabetizes “They Might Be Giants” CD’s makes me love you even more. You’re a good human… And attention span is HIGHLY overrated, though I bet yours is better than you give yourself credit for 🙂

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