I’m a wee bit punchy these days – but not so punchy that I think anyone would really notice. I mean, every girl occasionally bursts into tears when their drugstore is out of milk or laughs maniacally when the cashier asks, “How are you today?”
Yesterday, I gave myself a five minute break to read my email and came upon this:
I watched the video in the background while I browsed my email – only half paying attention. Admittedly I’d occasionally giggle, particularly at the high-pitched woos. Then I closed the window and wiped it from my mind. At least I thought I did.
Half an hour later, sitting in an empty waiting room I found myself humming the catchy tune (all two notes). Walking home in the bright sunshine I caught myself adjusting my pace to match the beat of the song blaring in my head. As I held my cellphone to my ear waiting patiently for my call to be redirected to the “next available customer representative,” I noticed my other hand tapping out the beat. Turns out, it’s pretty hard to explain why you’re chanting “I got big booty bitches,” when someone finally takes your call.
Now I can’t stop singing it. My standard answer to every question I’m asked is, “Skinny bitches get out.” But of course I have to repeat it three times in a row and throw in an occasional, “WOO!” That leads to quite a bit of confusion while I’m negotiating contracts.
Him: “I’m sure we can make this work with your budget. Where do you need the food and beverage minimum to be?”
Me: “Skinny bitches get out. Skinny bitches get out – woo!”
Me: “I got big booty bitches! Sing it with me now!”
I’m not even going to tell you how weird my dreams were last night. I just don’t have that kind of time and you don’t have that kind of money for therapy. Suffice it to say there was a whole mess o’ booties involved…and Sir Mix A Lot…and that Becky girl (which I’m pretty sure is this girl in real life).
Today I have to go meet with prospective vendors in person. I need a new song in my head, STAT. I hear that “Chocolate Rain” guy has a new song. Maybe I have time to pound that one into my head before I have to interact with real people.
And for the record? I really do got big booty bitches. They’re my favorite.