While I was playing in the mud at La Mano yesterday, I had an interesting discussion with a fellow potter, Richard.  I was explaining to him the magic of Twilight and the joys of being thirteen years old.  After dedicating the appropriate amount of time to fawning over my future vampire boyfriend (sorry Rocco), we moved on to the discussion of Netflix.  Once upon a time, it used to be the most convenient time-saver.  You drop a movie in the mail and POOF! almost instantly another movie appears in your mailbox.  It’s dreamy!  You arrange your movie que then forget all about your choices.  When The Goonies shows up, it’s almost as groovy as finding a well-laundered $20 bill in a pair of jeans you haven’t worn in months.

Alas, the magic is gone.  Now my lazy ass can’t be bothered with this whole DVD thing.  You want me to:

  1. stand up
  2. walk to the TV
  3. change the input
  4. FIND the DVD in question
  5. turn on player
  6. insert DVD
  7. FIND the remote for the damn player
  8. not loose my shit when I get that frickin “no access” sign every time I try and skip the previews or find the disc menu
  9. calm down enough to figure out I’m pushing the menu button for the player, not the disc itself
  10. get the mother fucker to actually play
  11. not yell at the lovely customer service rep at Cablevision when I can’t figure out why I can’t get any TV, then sheepishly readjust the input setting

How old school is that?  High fructose corn syrup, chemotherapy, and American Idol have obliterated my attention span to the point I could never be expected to stay so focused for so long.  And then I’m supposed to make it through a two hour movie afterward?  Are you high?  Damn you, Netflix. You ask too much!  I’m just one woman!  Next I’ll be expected to “add water” to my microwaveable meals.  Sheesh!

With my trusty sidekick my DVR, everything is all on the same remote, all on the same input, all on the same astral plane.  Ohmmmm.  In fact, if I have the DVD for a movie I’ve wanted to see here in my house, cozy in its ripe ruby Netflix sleeve, mine for the taking, I’ll still search on the channel guide first to see if I can just DVR it for later, take all the hassle out of it.  Yes folks, my DVR leaves me THAT entitled.  And according to Richard, I’m not the only one.