Cold Meds and Comments

By the time this posts, I and my tapioca sinus infection will be halfway to California.  I’ll have already used up another box of kleenex.  The people on either side of me will be cursing their bad travel karma and ordering orange juice.  Really, you guys are missing out.

Also, I will have already insulted another “artist” over at Craftastrophe.  Forgive me, I’ve got sparkly vampires on the brain.  It happens.

So what happens to an Elly when you combine fun cold meds, Twilight fever, severe exhaustion, an unattended laptop and a week’s worth of blog withdrawal?  Well apparently she leaves a string of nonsensical comments around the blogosphere then starts randomly referring to herself in the third person.  Lovely.

It’s not my fault.  It’s because I read all these adorable witty bitches that just incite me.  Really, you should probably read their things instead this week because I am one hot mess.  With a cold.  Which is kinda ironical and funny and makes me want to order kazoos in bulk.

Sorry, that was the cold meds kicking in.  Elly would never write something stream of consciousness that didn’t make any sense.  In the third person.  Twice.

*sigh*

So it all started when Amanda posted this lovely photo, wrote something witty, then left the meaning of the photo open for interpretation.  So Elly I did some med-influenced interpreting.

It’s about each of our individual struggles with infinite defeats and repetitive failures…and our futile belief in different outcomes.

That or it’s about sexy teenage vampires.

Either way, it makes me moist.

Then I wandered over to visit Mrs. Blogalot who seems to also be suffering from blog withdrawal and seems to think there’s a medication to alleviate her symptoms.

You’re looking for strong stuff?  I just got some crazy stuff for my sinus infection.  Also?  Talcum Powder is fun to say.  Look!  I have walls!

I’m not going to tell you what Holly was writing about, because I believe this comment to be self explanatory.

Isn’t it always about bestiality or necrophilia?  Well, that and glitter.

Poor Libby was venting very real emotions on this post.  Being the sensitive gal that Elly is I am, I tried to offer a little insight and comfort.

For some reason I can’t stop thinking about Zamfir.  And fellatio jokes with the phrase “playing the flute.”  And corn dog vibrators.

By the time I hit Vapid’s place, I felt it necessary to point out the reason for my random-ness.  Because I’m never, ever random without medication.  Ever.

The fuck!?!? There’s no wine here!!! Did you drink it all again? Just for that, I’m not sharing my cold meds with you.

I’m all talk — have a shot of Tussin. Don’t mind the phlegm on the rim.

Ry?  I don’t know what to say.  You’re always so polished and erudite.  I seriously don’t know why you haven’t blocked my ability to comment yet.  If you cross your eyes, it’s kinda flattering that I feel comfortable enough to come to you for help, right?  RIGHT?!?

I’m pretty sure you need to make a vacuity award just so you can say the word vacuity 917 times. Va. KEW. itty.

Did I mention the doc put me on some fun meds for my sinus infection?

Also? Tartar control sounds like a line of hose for your teeth.

Seriously, stop me.

Buffy’s post started out about melons that look like vaginas…I think.  It was getting pretty hard to pay attention by this point.  Eventually I figured out she’d written a recipe for a new cocktail.

Sadness. My current cocktail?

7 parts dayquil
2 parts antibiotics
4 parts honey
1 part menthol
9 parts mucinex

combine in neti-pot and pour into your nose

But you know who got the worst of it?  Sarah P.  Based on her writing and her well documented history of sex with dragons, she always gets the worst of it.  Then again, you can’t write a post containing the phrase “labia face” and think that you won’t get at least one or two weird comments, right?

LABIA FACE. labia face. Labia. Face. LABIAFACE. la-la-la-laBIA Faaaay-ssss.

ps cold meds

and labia faces

giggle

pps I can’t feel my labia face

pms Please tell me Weird Al is going to record la-la-la-la-la-la my la-labia face

But did I stop there?  In a word – no.  Cold Med Elly was not to be deterred.  I don’t remember what Sarah P’s post was about but I was convinced it ought to be a sequel to something.  I remember stopping in the middle of reading the post when it dawned on me that if I had a third cat I could braid their tails.

You’re starting to understand why I don’t do drugs, right?

THAT was the lesson in sexy talk?  I think my kayak just shriveled up and fell off.

In other news, my captcha is “ellionaut” which is now my new favorite word and bound to be my next blog post.

Especially since I’m having such a hard time with that Vulvatini recipe thing.  Yes, I’ve thought about it every day since you made that comment.  And also?  It makes me think of the Vulvanati which is obviously an ancient secret society founded to protect the secrets of my vulva.

Seriously, do you want to try some of these meds?

Yeah.  About those meds.  Imagine my surprise when I noticed a new word doc on my desktop entitled “Ellionaut.”  I had to google it to figure out where I stole it from.  Who knew that Cold Med Elly would dig on a site with the heading Math Words, pg7?

Astronaut The first root of astronaut is aster from the Greek word for star. It still appears in many scientific words such as Asteroid (star like). The naut is from the Greek word for a sailor, and retains this connection to the sea today in the word nautical. An astronaut, then, is literally a “sailor on the stars”. The word seems to have been created around 1929 but did not become popular until 1961 according to one source.

So obviously the word ellionaut means “sailor on the elly.”  Wait until I whip out that little factoid during the next Fleet Week.

And that’s just the comments I found.  There’s no telling what else I did in my Tussin induced stupor.  I apologize to anyone else I may have scarred for life.


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Comments

  1. Ellionaut is perfect. Though I think it’s true definition would be those of us who hover around Elly, hoping someday she will give up the secret to nuclear fusion.

    Also, there was a guy in NYC who built his own fusion reactor recently. I was wondering if you could hook me up…

    1. I just got a neti pot and now I’m obsessed with mucus. You should see how much I collected in the kitchen sink this morning alone! Lemme go take a pic for you…

  2. What kind of cold meds do I need to get on to produce gems like these. Tussin isn’t hardcore enough for me. I think I might need a drug cocktail mixed with love from my pharmacist.

  3. Knowing you’re on drugs makes your compliments that much easier to handle… Because I just had to look up ERUDITE to see what the F you were trying to tell me… I hope that makes you feel better!

  4. Awesome.

    I kind of love “ellionaut,” too.

    Still want that Vulvatini recipe. Maybe float a wide-petaled flower on it?

    You know what is really catching, though, is that Labiaface song. I may or may not have been softly singing it to myself while shopping for 94% fat-free popcorn earlier today. With my 3-year-old son.

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