Election time in Hoboken always makes me giggle. Our last mayor held office a whopping twenty-three days before he was arrested by the feds for embezzling. In fact, most of our former mayors are currently serving time in a penitentiary situation. Corruption is kinda our thing.
I know, you’re thinking, “Of course it’s corrupt, it’s JERSEY.” And that, Interwebz, is completely true. But Hoboken is probably the most corrupt town in Jersey (With the possible exception of Albany. Which isn’t even in Jersey. I should probably ease up on these meds.). If New Jersey were the Jackson 5, Hoboken would be Michael. (I’m not entirely sure that analogy works, but you’d totally get it if you were on these cold meds. Trust me.)
I’m always excited to rip open my sample ballot. Why? Because Hobokenites come up with the best political slogans ever. For example, last election some one ran under the “I Have Proof NSA Did 911” slogan.
There are two doozies on this current ballot. The first, “Politicians Are Crooks” seems to be pretty straight forward, but amusing none the less. The one that makes my head hurt (more than the sinus pressure already hurts) is the “Gravity Buoyancy Solution” slogan.
Does anyone have any idea what that means?
Is it somehow related to Hoboken being a river town that occasionally loses large chunks of the waterfront into the churning Hudson because our engineers seem to have mail-order degrees? If we were more buoyant, would those chunks of Hoboken just bob along in the river until we could reattach them with duct tape and super glue? Is gravity the enemy here or the river? I’m so confused. Is he going to petition Congress to abolish gravity?
Is this just a weird Jersey thing? Do you people have candidates with bizarro slogans printed right on the ballots, too?
I looked it up. If I run for office in Jersey I can have a three word slogan next to my name. Fortunately KeepingYouAwake made my political banner long ago.
Now wouldn’t that look nice on a wooden stake in your neighbors front yard?
I had to look it up. Gravity Bouyancy Solution refers to an alternative energy technology, which looks like basically putting a river mill on top of your house, but here’s the website
http://gravitybuoy.com/
That is so cool! I would totally vote for Gravity Bouyancy Solution for mayor. Save the world by putting water tanks on the roof. Shit! Why didn’t I think of that. A fat lot of good my engineering degree turned out to be.
Mail-order?
No. Just my bride. The degree came in a box of cereal.
Oh. So he’s selling something. Color me surprised.
See, THAT would be my slogan.
I think this candidate is saying “Shit floats, but I have the solution”, which I doubt, frankly. RI citizens are always talking about how corrupt the state is, like RI is the only state that has the problem. Nope, their are crooks and wiseguys everywhere (but I did read somewhere that most of them reside in Jersey:-))
*sigh* Which is why I usually change the subject when people ask where I live.
Or “Ukuleles and Vaginas”. Who wouldn’t vote for that? A moron that’s who!
Now THAT’s change I can believe in.
I’m voting once for each of my personalities!
I want that as my lawn sign!! STAT!!
Where did I put my poster paints…
YES! My life can end right now I’m so excited!
I can see that I’m not the first to request the lawn sign… I seriously think a photo contest is in order here…
Shit. Really? I was kidding about those poster paints.
Um, I think your political slogan should be “Mostly About Vaginas.” Duh.
Oh wait, sorry. That looked all weird in my reader. Your slogan IS “Mostly About Vaginas.”
Well, that makes all sorts of sense.
Great minds think alike!
See? This is the hive-mind working! Besides, it’s not just a catchy slogan, but a scientifical factoid.
i’m no engineer, but i’m pretty sure gravity bouyancy is an oxymoron. gravity is what ails me, and bouyancy is what young girls and pole dancers have. that’s not rocket science. sheesh.
i want to be your campaign manager! i believe in the bug.
But I’m running on the Patty Punker for Pres platform. I just want to get in your cabinet. Ew.
I love that this went there.
And by that I meant “to the cabinet”. Grab some cookies while you’re there.
I live in the state that had a professional wrestler for a governor and has a comedian for a senator. And? Oddly enough, they don’t put their wacky slogans on the ballot. They should. Because people don’t make fun of us enough yet.
They only make fun of you because they’re secretly jealous of your tan and free-wheeling lifestyle. They make fun of us because we all smell like low tide.
Clearly, you have never been to Minnesota.
It’s not all beaches and pot smoking hippies? Isn’t that where Minneapolis is? Home of Prince and Best Buy? Cultural Mecca?
Republicans in Colorado are trying to get a guy who claims to be able to “stop illegal immigration cold” elected.
Which is hilarious. Like one guy can do what an entire government has never been able to do.
They’re also trying to get a dude who hates abortions and gay people elected.
Two strikes for going back to the Stone Age.
Yuck. Now my heart AND head hurt.
You have to love the freaks that run for office. They add the pizazz you need to keep even a smidgen of interest. I don’t know how big Midnight Oil were in the US but their frontman Peter Garrett sold his soul to the devil and is now a member of parliament. This is a man most famous for his disturbing dance style and looking like a serial killer. Twas a great band though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd1IMmsOc6g
Dude. I used to burn my bed all the time. But the lead singer always makes me think of the bald bad guy in The Golden Child.
That just really brings me to whether or not it is a sinker or floater. It all boils down to shit.
And the shit here is boiling…
They have that guy, Jimmy McMillan, in New York who got 90,000 signatures to start his own party, Rent Is Too Damn High.
If I lived in New York, I’d vote for that guy. Not just because of his party. He also has a kickass beard.
He cracks my shiz up. In other news, the rent IS too damn high.
You know he hasn’t paid his own rent in over 20 years (or something, possibly false, I didn’t fact-check)?!?
That’s change I can get on board with.
Frankly, I’m crushed. I have been waging a endless battle for YEARS to get rid of fucking gravity.
It made my face droop and pulled my breasts too far south. It prevents me from bounding effortlessly along like a weightless superhero. Can you imagine the flips and kicks you could execute if stupid gravity wasn’t always bringing you down?
Gravity is a friend to no one. Mark my words.
You’ll agree the next time it grabs your sunglasses and throws them on the ground for you to retrieve.
I beg to differ. If it weren’t for gravity we would all have crazy astronaut hair.
You know, I didn’t stop to consider the hair but it would be awesome to let your toothbrush float by and then fly upside down with your mouth open to see if you could get it in.
I wonder if you lived on the space station if you would slow the aging process at all? I mean nothing is really pulling on you.
i seriously wanna play the “catch your toothbrush in your mouth game.” that’s way more rad than quidditch. genius dufmanno, genius.
I wish that were true, but I believe, even in space, your kids will still be pulling on you. That’s heavier than gravity.
Huh. I was born in NJ, but we moved before I turned 2. I sure missed a lot.
You should run for office! I’d vote for you!! There are apparently many more women voters than men. You;d win for sure.
“A vote for the Bug is a vote for the Vag!!”
It’s like the campaign buttons are making themselves!
It’s like the campaign buttons are starting to look like vaginas.
I am SO glad to see that my tagline for you has made it so far. Lot of research went into it. I didn’t really have the money for 125 test tubes for my experiments, or a safe blast chamber, but I made do and here we are. Wow. I don’t know what else to say. I just wish that monkey hadn’t escaped his cage.
Is it just me? To be it’s very obvious gravity buoyancy solution points to a boob job.
Elly and KYW, BEST POLITICAL SIGN EVER! Please run in 2012.