Bruce Reynolds and Two Penguins

You know how sometimes in life 917 things happen simultaneously and about 70% of those things are really good and exciting and then 27.3% of them aren’t bad exactly but just really time intensive and kind of draining and then there’s that 2.7% of shit that totally terrifies you and you know you should focus on that 70% of good stuff but the 2.7% just gnaws at your innards like…like…oh I dunno an alien parasite you’re hosting in your body that lives on human intestines or something and you find you just can’t process any new information?

Yeah, me either.


And while I don’t think I want to talk about that 2.7% of things, I can’t stop thinking about those things so I can’t really think about anything else and so I end up writing silly things like this for Sprocket Ink and use up what little brain power I had for the day and then you guys get stuck with random sleep deprivation-induced run-on sentences that only makes sense after 3 pitchers of vodka spiked Arnold Palmers or unless your also sleep deprived and mildly twitchy.

I swear I don’t know why my shrink keeps sending me home with relaxation CDs.

So how about I just slap up some random shit to make you smile today instead of talking?  Seeing as how it’s 4/20 you people are probably just staring blankly at the page and eating cheese puffs anyway.  Crap.  Now I want cheese puffs, too.

Have you ever seen “Dear Blank Please Blank?”  It’s pretty amusing in itself.  For example, someone recently posted:

Dear Kayne West,
Roses are red, violets are blue, if Rebecca Black wins any awards, you know what to do.
Sincerely, the world.

But to make things even more amusing, some awesome Etsy shop started making the posts into greeting cards.  And of course this one makes me squeal.  In the good way.

I may or may not have made the same noise this now famous baby penguin does right around the 1:05 mark.

Oh and there’s My High School Boyfriend was Gay!  This post is my favorite:

Update:  Mike and Barb are now just friends.  She visits his beach house in Rehoboth once a year.  And now he tells her when her hair looks cray cray.

And lastly? I don’t know what this video thing is exactly, but I find it riveting.  Clearly my brain is leaking.   Which is probably why I can’t figure out how to embed the video thing.   You can click on this lovely picture to watch it in all it’s awesome glory, though.  You’re welcome.


  1. I MUST buy that Etsy card.

    And you know…I hear smoking a little bit of weed in honor of 4/20 is good for babies. Seriously. I have a friend who preeetttyy much smoked her entire pregnancy and her baby is the chillest, most smiley baby on the planet.

    He also eats like a maniac.

  2. Whoa. I gotta say when that pig came a galloping I expected Ned Beatty to show up. Nuf said. Adding the Dukes of Hazzard was genius though. I suspect that Johnny Knoxville will be making this into a live-action feature length film starring himself and some of the 16 and pregnant dead-beat dads.

  3. OMGOMGOMGOMG I may never leave the Internet again! I discovered My Life Is Average and it has disrupted my beauty sleep… I LOVE The Unicorn card. And what SMH said.

  4. I’m going to send Cookie’s video to the guy I’m seeing and tell him that is the noise that I’m going to make during sex.

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