If I Were A Brick Wall I’d Have Graffiti On My Forehead

Between the pouring rain, yesterday’s nine hour drive, and my vacation hangover, I’m having one hell of a time staying focused.  I managed to scrape together a Craftastrophe, though.  This one ought to go over huge with you Catholics.

Honestly, I’m afraid to leave the house today for fear I’ll be struck down with lightening.  I’m not coming out again until the sun does.

Fortunately, KG over at A City Girl in Rural Alaska tagged me with a ridiculous meme this morning.  (The fact that she’s reading my blog is concrete evidence there’s not much to do in Alaska.)  So humor me while I wallow in my lazy lack o’ writing material and play along with this fun game.

As usual there appear to be rules involved.  I suck at rules.  And Backgammon.  And remembering to take the price tags off of Christmas presents.  Also possibly at staying focused on a rainy day.

Why do I feel like I was saying something?  OH YES rules!  As far as I can tell I have to answer her eight questions, make up eight more, then condemn tag eight people to play the same game.  Frankly, it sounds a lot like that time the CDC interviewed me about my case of chlamydia.  In fact, I’m just going to pretend that KG is interviewing me here.  Then it’s less weird.  Ish.

1. You are having dinner with your celebrity crush, who are you with and where?
I’m eating dinner with Neil Patrick Harris while I sit in Justin Timberlake’s lap.  I’d like NPH to sit in Rufus Wainwright’s lap, but I’ll let NPH choose for himself.  Because I’m launching a serious campaign to convince NPH I should be his new best friend and it’s probably too early in our friendship for me to dictate (heh) whose lap he has to sit in during an informal, friendly meal.  I respect both his artistry and his lap choices.  Ours in a friendship built on mutual admiration.  Well, as soon as I find a way to make him admire me.  I’m pretty sure I’m doing this wrong already.  God forbid I ever win a Nobel Prize or Academy Award.

2. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Tacos.  No wait, cream cheese icing.  No wait, pepperoni pizza.  Shit, this is hard.  Can you put pepperoni in a taco and top it with cream cheese icing?  Never mind, I never want to eat again.

3. Has a fortune cookie ever really told you your fortune?
It has.  But I can’t prove it.  I use to have a pile of them that made me really happy and they were stuck all over my desk.  But then I had to put my house on the market.  Twice.  And I packed everything up.  Twice.  And now I can’t remember where the hell any of them are.  Twice.  No wait, that didn’t work that time.  Anyway, I’m pretty sure I had one once that said, “You will be adored by tens of people.”  Ahem.  (In bed.)

4. When you are at the movies, which arm rest is yours?
I like to go at two in the afternoon on a weekday.  The entire cinema is mine.  Additional bonus?  I don’t have to put my feet on the ground and get stuck in the cinemuck.  I just climb on top of all the vacant seats.  Wheee!

5. If you could use one song as a form of torture for your enemies, what song would you choose?
Do I have to be present for this torture session?  If not, it’s  a no-brainer.  “The Motown Song” by Rod Stewart.  Now, if someone were torturing me the obvious song selection would be “All For Love.”  I still haven’t forgiven Sting.  *shudder*

6. What movie do you watch anytime it comes on TV, even though you own the dvd?
Ghostbusters.  I totally want to spoon with Dr. Peter Venkman.

7. What was your biggest childhood fear? Does it still scare you?
SNAKES.  YES.  *looks nervously at ground and pulls feet up into chair*

8. Are you a morning person, or a night owl?
That’s such a weird saying.  I mean, why can’t I be a night person or a morning owl?  If I want to stay up late, I have to cease to be a person?  Gosh KG, how do you feel about night people?  Wait.  Night people sounds like the title of a horror movie.  I don’t think I like night people either.  But I suppose I like owls.  Especially the drunk ones.  So I’d love to say I’m a night owl, but in reality I’m a morning person – despite my best efforts.

Here’s what I’d like to know about you, Interwebz.

  1. How many tennis balls can you fit in your mouth.
  2. Do you have a recurring doodle that you always scribble in meetings?
  3. If you could have any pet, what would it be and what would you name it?
  4. Do these shoes make my feet look ginormous?
  5. Can you put your foot on your own head?
  6. What’s your favorite acronym?
  7. If you could be a character from a John Hughes film, who would you be?
  8. If you were a food item, would you rather be packaged in shrink wrap or a tin can?
Just because I’m too tired to be ornery and buck the system, I’m tagging eight bloggers to play along.  But if I don’t tag you, that doesn’t mean you can’t play along, too.  Just leave a link in the comments.  As I always say, the more the merrier.  (FYI, the CDC doesn’t really condone that philosophy – as reflected in my permanent record.)
If you need me, I’ll be perched on top of a chair listening to The Police box set and hoping I can wipe the image of Rod Stewart and Bryan Adams dressed in Pied Piper tights playing pan flutes while leading Sting to a horrible death by snake bite.


  1. I just ate a bowl of soup after returning from the doctor, then read your horrible food for life, taco, pepperoni pizza, cream cheese icing, combination thereof inner debate. I will just go vomit now. Thank you. Much love!

    1. I’m writing a diet book, doncha know? “Craving a calorie laden cocktail? Try a tall glass of orange juice and mayonnaise instead! You’ll actually burn calories throwing it back up!”

  2. holey vagina mary – who was your waxer, girl? those are some well-groomed lady bits. now i get what was meant by immaculate conception.

    also, cinemuck is my new favorite word.

  3. Those are some awesome questions by KG. Please run for Governor in Alaska!!! Elly your answers have brought me much angst: How am I going to fill those shoes? (And no, they don’t make your feet look ginormous… just big. LOL) These are some fantastic questions which lead me to become completely neurotic because I do not want to ruin your questions with answers less than brilliant. I promise I will work on them (because I want to!) as soon as this crisis with the Boxer Reunion is over. I also need to go shopping for tennis balls (obviously) and a saw (so I can saw my feet off in order to put them on top of my head). See the things I do for you?!

  4. See, now, this is where it is truly useful to be a devotee of the Goddess. I LOVE that version of the Virgin Mary! It’s the perfect expression of the Divine Feminine! My only quibble is that those poor red lips look sore and irritated like BVM has a yeast infection or something. That’s not good.

  5. Excellent meme!

    Where, exactly, did your obsession with fitting things into your (or other people’s) mouth come from? I’m surprised it was tennis balls and not fists this time. I’m not judging, just curious.

    1. Wait, you don’t have that obsession? And why are we calling it an obsession? I’m just naturally curious. FYI, I can’t get my elbow in my ear, no matter how many times I try.

  6. This is probably the one time in my life that I’m actually glad someone didn’t pick me. Those are some weird ass questions.

    Oddly, or maybe not, I’m craving tacos right now.


    Holy Bejeezus! Watch out for the cinemuck!

  7. I am sad that it took me this long to comment. I must confess, you have inspired me to dust off my guitar and attempt to learn how to play it. all because of you and herbert. however, I am convinced I need a uke because my fingers are so little. so basically my guitar has now consumed all my free time.

    Venkman? I can totally dig that. But I’ve always had a seriously inappropriate crush on Egon. The tall skinny nerdy genius type. yea. I’d hit that.

    Dude, Night People scare me too. However I am a night owl…why is there no quirky nickname for morning people? probably because they are annoying.

    aaaaand cinemuck is my new favorite word. thank you.

    rambles over and out.

    1. I play guitar, too. Well I did. And bass. I’ve got an acoustic sitting right here. But Herbert owns my heart. Mostly because he’s way easier to play. Four strings, four fingers. The end.

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