Bizarre Bazaar

I like to think of myself as adventurous, even though I know I’m delusional.  I usually say, “I’ll try anything once!”  Well, it turns out I’m a big liar.

I won’t try Cotton Candy Foie Gras.

Mmmhmm.  You heard me.  Call me boring.  Call me simple.  Call me picky.  I don’t care.  I won’t eat it.  You can’t make me.

So here’s the back story: as part of that exhausting tour that had me jumping all over the country for three weeks, I had to arrange a few swanky dinners.  My goal was to find the hottest, newest, most interestingest restaurant in whatever city we were visiting at the time.  That’s how I ended up at Jose Andres’ Bazaar.

If you’re not a foodie (or no one pays you to be a foodie for three weeks out of the year) you probably haven’t heard of Jose Andres.  Basically, his thing is deconstructing food.  Which, you know, THANK GOD, because if there’s one thing wrong with the world today, it’s that our food is overly constructed.  What?  Exactly.

Think foam – food foam, that is.  Foie gras cotton candy starts to make a little more sense, right?  I did manage to get down a bit of potato foam and lemon air.  See?  I’m still a teeny bit adventurous.

If you order a bagel and lox, you get this.

If you want to get a real feel for just how crazy the place is, read No Salad’s review.  It’s got real sentence structure, lovely photos, and everything.  I however, just want to talk about the liquid olives.

Photo by No Salad

So, yes.  A liquid olive.  Andres deconstructed an olive.  An olive, people.  Are you giggling as hard as I am right now?

I’ll let No Salad describe the process:

Olives, Modern and Traditional. An homage to Andres’ mentor. Adries created the liquid olive a few years back and made it a signature dish in his legacy of culinary innovation. The process called “spherification” uses Alginate to create egg-yolk like spheres of liquefied green olives. The spheres are then marinated in olive oil and served on tasting spoons. The delicate contraptions literally explode in your mouth releasing its intensely flavored olive juice.

So I tried one.  Yes, it exploded and filled my mouth with olive juice – which is not the grossest thing to ever explode in my mouth, so fine.  But whatever that casing is?  It’s chewy.  And slimy.  And incredibly similar in color and texture to the incredibly sexy stuff that Mucinex and hot showers enables me to hack up into my mouth between thirty and seventy-two times a day.

Ok look back at that picture.  Now…*hack, cough, sneeze, hack, chew, spits in napkin, hack, cough, points at green glob in tissue* …look at this.  See?!?

Some days, the most adventurous a girl can get is a good old fashioned Cheerwine Donut.  I can handle that mouth explosion.  Though I’m not entirely sure they pair well with Elly-made liquid olives.

Happy Holiday Weekend, my pretties.


  1. DUDE!!!!!!!! You are / were in Los Angeles and you did NOT tell me? I so would have stalked you until we met and it was BFF at first sight. And I would have even tried the foam-food with you. Or cooked for you at home. Whatever. Get your sinus-y ass back here right now.

  2. Ahhh olive shaped mucus balls, you so know what appeals to me. I must admit I have eaten a lot of strange crap over the years having travelled a lot in South East Asia (deep fried silk worms with a side of warm chicken featus straight from the egg anyone?), but this just screams pretentious twat. Though I do admire anyone who can get people to pay the big bucks for that kind of shit.

  3. This all reminds me of a Borat line that goes something like this… *ahem*


    (also you must pronounce anus like ann-us)

  4. “which is not the grossest thing to ever explode in my mouth, so fine.”

    You just got nominated for a Pulitzer, I’m pretty sure.

    1. So long as you’re dishing ’em out. I’ve been singing “Labia Face” at the top of my lungs for days now. Mom’s neighbors are not thrilled.

  5. I’m a fan of weird food experimentation, so I probably would have loved the restaurant and I’m super jealous you went there and I want your job.

    However, even I think the olive thing is a bit redundant.

      1. I doubt I’m qualified, but I’m gracious, well spoken, and totally willing.

        My prior experience is however limited to record store clerk, adjuster, and blog whore.

  6. I can pretty much bet my ass or someone’s ass that anything slimy and exploding in mouth will result in me projectile vomiting. You are a brave woman for being adventurous.

    Wait, didn’t Anderson Cooper do a piece on deconstructing food? He is such a muffin.

  7. There is a restaurant like that in Chicago. Is this a restaurant for people who have everything? So do they leave a copy of SkyMall catalog on each table at that restaurant? Because I can totally see the overlap…

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